You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2007.


OneLastCigarette: most of the time 24 just makes me fuckin MAD
OneLastCigarette: makes ya fuckin mad whitey!
JCP001: the finale blew
OneLastCigarette: shhhhhhh
OneLastCigarette: nononono
OneLastCigarette: im only on season 2
JCP001: i’m not sayin nothin
OneLastCigarette: ok
OneLastCigarette: for some reason people love to start spouting vital info when i mention the show
JCP001: season 2… main plot?
JCP001: i saw it
OneLastCigarette: the nuke
JCP001: i mix them all up
JCP001: and his daughter is running from some crazy guy?
OneLastCigarette: i’m on like hour 20
OneLastCigarette: shes in the clear
OneLastCigarette: so far the only people who have acted with consistent stupidity are tony almaeda and kim
OneLastCigarette: not that there are many recurring roles
JCP001: tony rules
JCP001: was he shot?
OneLastCigarette: shut up!
OneLastCigarette: stupidity consists of only one thing: doubting or disobeying jack
JCP001: basically yes
OneLastCigarette: right now tony has a sprained ankle, jack just got “killed” by the stun gun torture, and the arab agent is getting beaten by rednecks
JCP001: oh yeah!
OneLastCigarette: haha
JCP001: stun gun torture!
JCP001: i remember
JCP001: he’s awesome
OneLastCigarette: yeah totally
OneLastCigarette: best show ever
JCP001: really is
JCP001: intense doesn’t describe it
OneLastCigarette: makes ya mad!
JCP001: little bit sometimes
OneLastCigarette: yeah, sometimes
OneLastCigarette: how could people watch this on tv?
OneLastCigarette: how do you
OneLastCigarette: i watch like 10 episodes at a clip
JCP001: i think next season i’m gonna tape a shitload then watch
OneLastCigarette: its better that way i think
OneLastCigarette: see sopranos?
JCP001: yes
OneLastCigarette: back to your plan, thing about that is you cant see ANYTHING or you wont be able to wait
OneLastCigarette: anyway, phil is so gonna die
OneLastCigarette: at the very least
OneLastCigarette: only 2 left forever
OneLastCigarette: bravery 29.9%
JCP001: hmm
JCP001: battles and bright eyes blows
OneLastCigarette: no shit
JCP001: i think i stomached 6 bright eyes songs on the train
OneLastCigarette: and we can’t exactly talk shit about every record we hate
OneLastCigarette: we have to have some appeal
OneLastCigarette: to the morons
JCP001: took time away from listening to shit i WANT to listen to. made the commute home more unbearable than normal
OneLastCigarette: so do you wanna do the review
JCP001: of?
OneLastCigarette: ill talk shit on bright eyes while i watch them shock jack back to life
JCP001: he’s fucking amazing man. jack’s a true american hero
OneLastCigarette: CLEAR!
OneLastCigarette: the redneck extremists are ruining everything
OneLastCigarette: i cant take it
JCP001: i barely remember
OneLastCigarette: they got the chip
OneLastCigarette: and now they’re taking the guys daughter to her house to get paid
JCP001: isn’t there, like, martial law that season?
OneLastCigarette: hes convincing the doctor to untie him
OneLastCigarette: can we start
JCP001: on what? bright eyes?
OneLastCigarette: yeah
JCP001: i need to dump first. cleanse my system of his horrible acousti-country boo-shit
Ten minutes later…
JCP001: i just shat a slide guitar
JCP001: that’s the review as far as i’m concerned.
JCP001: was it as torturous for you?
JCP001: i hope to god i didn’t suffer alone
OneLastCigarette: i wouldn’t call it torture exactly
OneLastCigarette: the first track is basically useless and annoying and waay too long
OneLastCigarette: not only do we not know what the bitch on it is talking about, we can barely make it out
JCP001: make a plan to love me is the worst. THOSE lyrics you can make out
OneLastCigarette: the music could be in a disney movie from the 60’s
OneLastCigarette: flowers sprouting and two animals who shouldn’t be friends, but don’t know it yet
JCP001: like the fox and the hound
JCP001: i know he wants to be deep and emotional maybe even death cab-esque, but it just ended up being embarrassing
OneLastCigarette: he peaked at 18
OneLastCigarette: made a career in reverse
JCP001: he should have quit after he put out those last 2 records
OneLastCigarette: they were good
JCP001: not bad
OneLastCigarette: thanks in no small part to emylou harris and nick zinner
JCP001: the opening music for four winds reminds me of santa claus is coming to town
OneLastCigarette: his other records have some excellent songs, you cant take that away
OneLastCigarette: soul singer in a session band makes me want to put a bullet in my head
JCP001: now you understand my commute yesterday listening to it
JCP001: i wanted to put bullets in other people’s heads
JCP001: N train massacre due to bright eyes
OneLastCigarette: i have a 9 play count, bro. i put in work here
JCP001: your musical fortitude knows no bounds
OneLastCigarette: if they played this for jack he would have given up the chip immediately
OneLastCigarette: Now a red carpet bagger makes a Blackberry call
To the plastic piranhas in the city of salt
Wasted wheat paste campaign post no bills on the wall
You mean nothing to no one but that’s nobody’s fault

OneLastCigarette: his metaphors have gone from complex to nonsensical
JCP001: he’s making social commentary no can can decipher or cares about
OneLastCigarette: he really lost his bucket this time
JCP001: i think the throw-away songs on the ep were better. by a hair
OneLastCigarette: that’s like deciding which of two turds smells better
OneLastCigarette: the track hot knives is semi-decent
OneLastCigarette: that and four winds may be the only tolerable, dare i say good songs on the record
JCP001: good is too kind
JCP001: tolerable
JCP001: hot knives was in the first 6 songs i listened to. it blurred in with the rest of the crap
OneLastCigarette: i was thinking the same thing, it blends in with the crap so well you could miss it
JCP001: i’m sure it’s true for tracks 7 thru 14
OneLastCigarette: oh, to be honest i usually fall asleep by then
OneLastCigarette: i would never put this on while working, i wouldn’t be able to perform
OneLastCigarette: in and out of consciousness, but i heard it
JCP001: if i were getting paid i’d feel obligated to listen to the rest. since i’m NOT i won’t be taking one for the team
OneLastCigarette: i’ve heard the whole record a couple of times. nobody would accuse you of jumping to conclusions
JCP001: i am happy to announce my first zero rating
OneLastCigarette: i have to give him a one, otherwise i’d be saying its as bad as linkin park
OneLastCigarette: nothing is as bad as linkin park
JCP001: essentially it got the same rating. we just switched roles
OneLastCigarette: i cant always be the bad guy
OneLastCigarette: as much as i would enjoy it
OneLastCigarette: yeah! jacks killin’ the rednecks! sweet!
OneLastCigarette: damn, 59th minute. something crazy happened
OneLastCigarette: who knew
JCP001: it really is the best show
OneLastCigarette: ever
JCP001: even when it lame it’s good.
OneLastCigarette: yup
JCP001: those first few seasons were golden too
JCP001: you’ll get mad season 3
OneLastCigarette: while back after i watched season 1. i wanted to be myspace friends with jack bauer
OneLastCigarette: i saw some things. i dont even wanna know what they mean
JCP001: i think i’m friends with like 5 bauers
JCP001: 5 are better than one. that’s a strike team of bauers. they can set up a perimeter like nobody’s business
OneLastCigarette: oh my god 5 jacks
OneLastCigarette: you’re right
JCP001: i gave up counting the corpses this past season
JCP001: too much work
OneLastCigarette: yeah with the commandos and random grunts in the distance, theres no telling. not even accounting for explosions, suicides, and amputations
OneLastCigarette: palmer is pretty great when the heat is on
JCP001: he’s the best fake president ever
OneLastCigarette: haha
OneLastCigarette: fuck martin sheen
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JCP001: linkin park minutes to midnight. this album needs more weed
OneLastCigarette: i’d prefer a heroin overdose
JCP001: what’s it been 4 years since their last record? if i were a fan i’d know.
OneLastCigarette: i was really into their ep and first album but that was like 99 or some shit
OneLastCigarette: i was 17-18. i know the last one had a ton of singles and videos, but whatever.
JCP001: not for nothing but collision course with jay-z is good.
OneLastCigarette: oh yeah totally. that record killed
OneLastCigarette: i know they dont wanna be rap/rock anymore, but shinoda is making an ass of himself now. he cant fucking sing and he sings a whole song, and in the video he looks like a moron rocking out with a guitar
JCP001: he’s just awful. i’m glad they abandoned that rap/metal frankenstein’s monster
OneLastCigarette: its the hybrid theory, bro
JCP001: he only talks over 2 songs. i don’t even want to call it rapping
OneLastCigarette: you have a point
JCP001: he’s beat. the fort minor mixtape is good though. not for shinoda but for the guest appearances
OneLastCigarette: like a nate dogg album
JCP001: even his lesser known rap buddies like styles of beyond are way better. they just pop by the album hoping to sell more of theirs
JCP001: shadow of the day sounds like a jimmy eat world b-side
JCP001: they do a lot of ballads. less scratching and noise making
OneLastCigarette: yeah so now they have two members who are virtually useless
JCP001: shinoda learned guitar before they were able to kick him out
OneLastCigarette: ross robinson produced this. the only thing i ever liked by him was glassJAw and 99 problems
JCP001: what did you google that?
OneLastCigarette: no, tim duffy told me
JCP001: so he googled it
OneLastCigarette: basically
OneLastCigarette: i knew he did gj and 99 though
OneLastCigarette: no “lame pre-review research” this time. thank god
JCP001: good job
OneLastCigarette: trying to please our finicky fans is all
JCP001: look at you–a man of the people
JCP001: the album cover reminds me of rocket from the crypt scream dracula scream
OneLastCigarette: the album cover reminds me that they’ve run dry on ideas
JCP001: i don’t think the fact that there’s a scorpion in the opening of the video for what i’ve done is a coincidence…
OneLastCigarette: strange
OneLastCigarette: never had a chance to get to know rftc
JCP001: yeah, you did i’d play them in JHU all the time
OneLastCigarette: oh yeah that was only 8 years ago
OneLastCigarette: i remember now
JCP001: i like one song on this record.
OneLastCigarette: thats 1 more than me
JCP001: given up. i think it’s the claps and the chain rattling. probably the wallet chains of their fans
OneLastCigarette: aww
OneLastCigarette: yeah the claps are the only sound on the rec that i like
JCP001: i’m sure it’ll make a good entrance song for my wrestler on raw vs. smackdown
OneLastCigarette: thats their one remaining fan applauding this album
JCP001: aww
JCP001: and it’s this dude
OneLastCigarette: who the fuck is that?
JCP001: one of my myspace friends
OneLastCigarette: and you only accepted cause his profile was private and you couldnt hate him enough with only 1 pic
JCP001: i had a little back and forth with him. he’s ok
OneLastCigarette: if you say so. any acquaintance of whitey’s is tolerated by me
OneLastCigarette: i always thought chester sounded like the dude from quiet riot
JCP001: i think he has a good voice actually. just the songs suck
OneLastCigarette: cum on feel the noise always pops into my head. i dunno
JCP001: nah
OneLastCigarette: well this wouldnt be a review if i didnt say something i could get bashed for.
JCP001: i think he sounds more like jeremy enigk
OneLastCigarette: but only rising tide, right?
JCP001: listen reaaaaaaal close
OneLastCigarette: not like diary or anything
JCP001: totally not
OneLastCigarette: yeah i hear it
OneLastCigarette: its D-Lightful
JCP001: i figured you’d have more to say about this record.
OneLastCigarette: i figured you would…
OneLastCigarette: im kind of at a loss
OneLastCigarette: i just hate it. i hated it all 4 times i listened
JCP001: it’s not their usual crap. they influenced a bunch of other crappy bands so maybe they wanted to distance themselves
JCP001: now they’re just a crappy alternative band with two not quite hip-hop songs tossed in
OneLastCigarette: alas, we suffer so the readers don’t have to. like a two headed jesus.
JCP001: mystical in our two-headedness
OneLastCigarette: no pointing hands. clap with that, jerkoffs.
OneLastCigarette: bet the next album is “greatest hits”. laced with jay-z, ripe for mass consumption.
JCP001: wow. a rating of zero
OneLastCigarette: yeah, i figure i wont have many chances since we rarely agree to review what we hate
JCP001: i’ll give it a generous one. the thumb since fall out boy already has the middle
OneLastCigarette: i would give them a 1 for old time’s sake, but that wouldn’t be fair to all the new bands i hate
JCP001:1star.jpg OneLastCigarette:0star.jpg


JCP001: IM me in a few
OneLastCigarette: whats a few?
OneLastCigarette: i want a divorce
JCP001: you’re a faggot
OneLastCigarette: you used to get it in ya fishnets, now ya only get it in ya night dress.
OneLastCigarette: are we doing this or what
JCP001: you love it
OneLastCigarette: it wasnt immediate
JCP001: but you warmed up quickly
OneLastCigarette: did we start?
OneLastCigarette: cause theres a pace to maintain
JCP001: this is how we do. you have to let the magic happen
JCP001: arctic monkeys favourite worst nightmare
JCP001: what are these dudes? 16?
OneLastCigarette: they made that last album(link) and it had several indie rock bangers…
OneLastCigarette: 16 and a half
OneLastCigarette: so they made this big pop video and i got those immediate fanboy feelings like they “strayed from the formula”, but when i heard the album a few times, yeah i warmed up fast
OneLastCigarette: last christmas sometime, me and nick were in cozy’s having massive burgers and we were talking about this band and that band, and he goes like those fucking arctic monkey kids.
OneLastCigarette: so im like who the fuck’s the arctic monkeys
JCP001: they’ve got some good rock here
OneLastCigarette: theyve evolved
JCP001: dennis would love it
OneLastCigarette: last time he had the lyrics but the songs were a bit disjointed, it almost felt like he was always just talking. this album is tighter and more well thought out
JCP001: the screwed thing is that even the old stuff is good too, but this record is def more thought out
JCP001: there’s something sloppy about “Whatever People Say I Am…” but good sloppy. not like fat girl in a tube top sloppy
OneLastCigarette: the album cover of “whatever…” is a picture of the singer from a photo booth after a night of binge drinking. i think they were going for a certain something
OneLastCigarette: they won the 2006 mercury prize for that album
JCP001: what the fuck is the mercury prize?
OneLastCigarette: i dont know look at wikipedia. you think their moms told me this shit?
OneLastCigarette: and if im not mistaken they gave the money to an (if im not mistaken) undisclosed charity
OneLastCigarette: but i heard that award money to charity story somewhere else a long time ago
JCP001: isn’t that righteous
OneLastCigarette: totally admirable and british
OneLastCigarette: you think we would get hate mail if i said i think brits are actually savages?
JCP001: they’re compared to the futureheads who kinda suck after a while
JCP001: more sex pistols less beatles in attitude would be more fun
OneLastCigarette: yeah, im sure theyre happy to be compared to the futureheads. low expec. i think if some band hears theyve been compared to the stones on their first album just panics
JCP001: they’re not the stones if you’re implying that
OneLastCigarette: do they play the video 37 times a day there? euro mtv plays it all day, shows their live show, and interview snippets inbetween
OneLastCigarette: no, i was trying to pick a big name british band, none in particular
JCP001: i don’t watch mtv.
JCP001: beyond my age bracket.
OneLastCigarette: oh thats right, it sucks balls there. you actually wanna watch it here. like in the morning you can leave it on, no fat white chicks bungie jumping or kids learning how to figure skate (MADE: I WANNA BE A PROFESSIONAL FIGURE SKATER)
JCP001: can we finish this in an hour?
OneLastCigarette: do i have a choice
JCP001: not really
OneLastCigarette: go cuddle with paul and watch your one hour drama
One hour later…
JCP001: ok
OneLastCigarette: uh..?
OneLastCigarette: lemme sit up
JCP001: eww
OneLastCigarette: i was laying down on my side, what?
OneLastCigarette: so talk about the album, douche.
JCP001: the only song that breaks this album’s momentum is that slow jam in the middle
OneLastCigarette: i like it. its reminiscent of the slow tracks off the old albums, he didnt hit it in the right way this time. despair in the departure lounge off the ep is their ultimate slow jam i think
JCP001: they have like a blur/franz ferdinand thing going with a better pay off
OneLastCigarette: oh
OneLastCigarette: i got a blurb from tim duffy
JCP001: ok
JCP001: hit me
OneLastCigarette: one sec
OneLastCigarette: fillmerejive (6:09:46 PM): i like it alot, i think they’re a special band, and i think he’s one of the strongest songwriters working today
JCP001: “special band” just doesn’t sit right with me.
OneLastCigarette: there are more blurb-worthy TD statements
OneLastCigarette: i could go on
JCP001: he’s got some gems
OneLastCigarette: OneLastCigarette (6:10:48 PM): this album vs. the last lp
fillmerejive (6:11:42 PM): last one was better but i think they made the right choice, buck the hype by releasing a pretty much equally as good album just more than a year after the debut
OneLastCigarette (6:12:46 PM): thatll be all, thanks
JCP001: he just summed up what i said earlier with that. he’s a passionate guy, that duff
OneLastCigarette: ah, the ubiquitous tim duffy
OneLastCigarette: stand out tracks?
JCP001: teddy picker is a goody, fluorescent adolescent, this house is a circus…
JCP001: old yellow bricks. i’m staying away from the obvious brianstorm/single hugeness
OneLastCigarette: yeah its pretty huge
OneLastCigarette: im not used to bands i actually like making new albums less than seven years apart
OneLastCigarette: im still soaking it in
JCP001: it’s called being a working musician
OneLastCigarette: i heard thats what did george michael in, waiting too long before albums
OneLastCigarette: thats from the recording industry experts over at E!
JCP001: because now one cared when it happened
OneLastCigarette: i just wanna say uh, nine inch nails nine inch nails nine inch nails
OneLastCigarette: did you see how many hits we got off that phrase?
OneLastCigarette: oh, elvis, sasquatch, rosie odonnel, sir isaac newton
OneLastCigarette: nude celebrities
JCP001: dude we had a huge spike the other day why??
OneLastCigarette: i havent looked in a month
OneLastCigarette: what do you mean by spike
JCP001: like 50 views
OneLastCigarette: was it a tuesday
JCP001: thurs
OneLastCigarette: maybe a record of some band we mentioned came out or some shit i have no idea
OneLastCigarette: i hope they come back to read this
JCP001: bizarre
JCP001: most of the last few records i listened to i liked. maybe it won’t be a suck year
OneLastCigarette: i guess all the good bands were recording last year
JCP001: 2008 will suck
OneLastCigarette: theyre worn out now
10:35 PM
JCP001: the good bands will tour. we’ll be fucked
JCP001: i just put their records on shuffle. it all fits nicely
OneLastCigarette: new wu tang this year. im psyched
JCP001: surprises every turn
OneLastCigarette: i bet odb has more verses than the others
JCP001: his 20 word line on fishscale was weak
OneLastCigarette: i heard he recorded it after the heroin balloons in his stomach popped
OneLastCigarette: too soon?
JCP001: nah. if it were steve irwin it would be. maybe not…
OneLastCigarette: gator joke, gator joke…i got nuthin
JCP001: nick is pissed about this band huh?
OneLastCigarette: nick is pissed about every band thats not his
OneLastCigarette: thisll be a good way to find out if he reads these huh
JCP001: hate mail #2
JCP001: there’s some serious police activity going on over here
OneLastCigarette: gowanus, son
JCP001: rating for the record?
JCP001: we need to wrap up
OneLastCigarette: what happened outside? some hipster waifboy get knocked off his banana seat and raped
OneLastCigarette: 4
JCP001: shots fired. someone threw a gun so there’s like 8 cops with flashlights scouring the ground
JCP001: they got some fat thugs standing with their hands on the hood of a car and the cops tossed their vehicle.
JCP001: i watch the shield. i ain’t no snitch
OneLastCigarette: rating?
JCP001: i give these bleeding heart, charitable chaps a solid 4
OneLastCigarette: can we have eight little cops instead of fingers this time?
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