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OneLastCigarette: im watching entourage at 10, son
OneLastCigarette: im psyched. my computer is in the shop so i have to find a friend who actually pays for hbo when this shit is on
OneLastCigarette: are your internets still broken?
JCP001: i ams operayshunal
OneLastCigarette: i just ate chinese food. my brain is numb.
JCP001: was it as delicious as you anticipated?
JCP001: it’s the msg. makes you dumb. like eating lead paint
OneLastCigarette: i tried to order small sesame chicken, but apparently they only have one size. the girl was like “yor doin it wrong”
OneLastCigarette: i got fried vegetable dumplings and chicken w/brocolli
JCP001: awesome. food coma
JCP001: i had pasta.
OneLastCigarette: did you and paul eat together like two fags
JCP001: no jerkoff. had dinner with dnice.
OneLastCigarette: oh thats right
JCP001: he’s high and watching john from cincinatti, eating chy-knee
OneLastCigarette: i havent seen that yet…whats chy-knee
JCP001: chinese
OneLastCigarette: that chinese place near you is top notch 2nd rate
JCP001: i would like to say nathan’s destroyed my insides
OneLastCigarette: nathans was fucking awesome.
JCP001: it was definitely a highlight, minus the dizziness and nausea on my part
JCP001: monkey-man had too much fun at once
OneLastCigarette: yeah. whens the last time you had a pregnancy test
OneLastCigarette: light-headedness
JCP001: normally that’s a good time too
JCP001: i now officially like every song on this against me record
OneLastCigarette: i could do without the second to last track, but i still like it enough
JCP001: nah, i’m down with the dirty rock song
OneLastCigarette: this is a review of NEW WAVE by AGAINST ME!
JCP001: or AGAINST ME NEW WAVE
OneLastCigarette: thrash unreal is fucking huge
OneLastCigarette: and the bop bops are insane
OneLastCigarette: im gonna go watch that video from conan
JCP001: it’s great
JCP001: find it?
OneLastCigarette: too hard. where is it
OneLastCigarette: if its from nbc its all hidden
JCP001: just google against me thrash unreal
OneLastCigarette: you has hacks
OneLastCigarette: oh its on a cheap ass youtube rip off
JCP001: i was googling lyrics.
OneLastCigarette: tom gable doesnt look like he has this voice
OneLastCigarette: this voice belongs to a man more similar to a lumberjack
JCP001: i would like to thank all the pirates who get the record weeks in advance then painstakingly transcribe the lyrics… almost right
OneLastCigarette: these layered vocals are pretty huge. they did well in displaying this songs sheer hugeness live on stage
OneLastCigarette: i didnt know it would work this well
JCP001: they really did reproduce nicely
OneLastCigarette: “there aint no johnny comin home to share a bed with her and she doesnt care”
JCP001: it’s huge
OneLastCigarette: “no mother ever dreamed that her daughter’ed grow up to be a junkie!”
JCP001: considering i didn’t like some of their previous stuff
JCP001: i think the kids who were living above me at the time ruined them. they would blast them and howl along while wrestling at 1 am.
OneLastCigarette: the only record of theirs i like more than this one is …As The Eternal Cowboy. one of my favorites of ever
OneLastCigarette: you sure they werent pokin’?
JCP001: totally.
OneLastCigarette: we have to take an entourage break, yo.
JCP001: do it
JCP001: hit me back
OneLastCigarette: back in 45
JCP001: go

45 minutes later…

OneLastCigarette: the cops rolled through while we were smoking
JCP001: did you smoke army style?
JCP001: weed. yor doin it wrong
OneLastCigarette: nah. they built scaffolding by tech and there are these construction trailers. we were there
JCP001: ooh living dangerously
OneLastCigarette: yeah anyway
OneLastCigarette: im not too into the song stop! either
JCP001: it actually grew on me. reminds me of a yeah yeah yeahs song. honeybear
JCP001: almost
OneLastCigarette: you have an exclamation point in your name and you put one in a song title too
JCP001: they wrap, honest, upfront lyrics you don’t have to decipher in pop rock goodness
OneLastCigarette: when you told me the girl on born of the fm waves of the heart was one of these twins i didnt know you were talking about tegan & sara. theyre twin lesbians apparently
JCP001: oh and their new record is also on sire
OneLastCigarette: this is pop music you can like without feeling guilty. if there was a market for it i bet they could make some pretty awesome songs
JCP001: they mention MRR which i think is funny
OneLastCigarette: whats that? modern rock radio?
JCP001: maximum rock and roll
JCP001: punk music zine. didn’t even know it was still around
OneLastCigarette: i was stumped there
OneLastCigarette: i know what it is
OneLastCigarette: some big punk zine just went under
OneLastCigarette: punk planet
JCP001: i’m not surprised.
OneLastCigarette: Main Page – ZineWiki – the history and culture of zines …
Punk Planet was a 16000 print run punk zine, based in Chicago, IL, … that after 13 years and 80 issues, Punk Planet’s final issue was being sent out. …
OneLastCigarette: straight from the front page of google. i dont even feel like clicking the link
JCP001: google gets only the best in breaking news
JCP001: “punk zine goes under. 5 punks sad”
JCP001: negative ink was in punk planet. issue 13 or something. i might still have it
JCP001: i give them credit for sticking it out that long.
OneLastCigarette: best songs on this album, in order of appearance: up the cuts, thrash unreal, white people for peace, born on the fm waves, americans abroad, and the ocean.
JCP001: what did spin call this record?
OneLastCigarette: rock record of the year
OneLastCigarette: you wanna break out those tim duffy blurbs?
JCP001: yes. yes, i do. he’s missing the best rock record of the year.
JCP001: the year isn’t over. and it is a straight up rock record
OneLastCigarette: im gonna eat my fourth rice crispy treat

***** START TIM DUFFY BLURB *****

OneLastCigarette: i need your thoughts on the latest against me! record
fillmerejive: i have not heard it
OneLastCigarette: you saw them live, you must have seen some new songs
OneLastCigarette: what did you think of that
fillmerejive: i think that i felt like an asshole cause everybody loved them and i was totally indifferent
fillmerejive: so i felt like a snooty jerk
fillmerejive: spin says it’s the “best rock record of the year” too bad they are totally not credible
OneLastCigarette: what kind of crowd was it? just sweaty punk kids or a mix
OneLastCigarette: yeah thats a kiss of death if i ever heard one. spin is terrible
fillmerejive: it was cursive and mastodon playing on either side of against me! so it was a very mixed crowd, old metal guys, emo kids and punk kids plus a more generalized rock audience that probably listen to Foo Fighters as much as they listen to White Stripes and Green Day
OneLastCigarette: i dont get the whole mastadon thing
fillmerejive: i love them
OneLastCigarette: but im convinced that im missing something
OneLastCigarette: cant wait til siren
fillmerejive: well you lack that really nerdy rock guy gene, i have it in spades

***** END TIM DUFFY BLURB *****

OneLastCigarette: yor doin it wrong
OneLastCigarette: i guess ill give this a 4
JCP001: o rly?
OneLastCigarette: ya rly
JCP001: top marks. 5.
OneLastCigarette: you give everything a five
JCP001: i’m the siskel to your ebert
JCP001: we didn’t talk about the video for white people for peace
OneLastCigarette: i like the wrestling moves
OneLastCigarette: what more is there to talk about
OneLastCigarette: im surprised they got such a big video budget
JCP001: float over DDT
JCP001: yeah. huge. football field. that shit was ‘spensive
OneLastCigarette: you just wanted to say float over ddt
JCP001: i did
JCP001: rly bad
OneLastCigarette: and paying all those shitty amateur wrestlers to “professionally perform” the double team neck breaker moves
JCP001: with dudley boys-like precision
JCP001: if there were tables involved it would have upped it
OneLastCigarette: i wish i had those cheese bacon fries from nathans right now
OneLastCigarette: with the little red stick
JCP001: siren fest experience. an ocean of sloppy tits
OneLastCigarette: and tattooed fat
JCP001: they really have no idea
JCP001: but at least we are scientists were good and the beach time
JCP001: it was like my commute but with shirtless hipsters
OneLastCigarette: you mean when we covertly smoked pot around hundreds of families
OneLastCigarette: that beach time
JCP001: yes. gi joe style
OneLastCigarette: if jack bauer smoked pot, thats how he would do it
OneLastCigarette: in a fox hole
JCP001: he’s got black suvs to cruise around in with his boys. he could blow it out while on his way to set up a perimeter
JCP001: perhaps the foxholes in the chinese prision. what happens in chinese prisions, stays in chinese prisions
OneLastCigarette: we are scientists slowed down the first couple of songs off the last album
OneLastCigarette: and they played a few seemingly new songs
OneLastCigarette: which were all good
JCP001: and the sound was stable. i would have liked to have seen the noisettes but wasn’t too keen on having to elbow my way through the crowds
OneLastCigarette: i had never previously heard detroit cobras, but they sounded pretty shitty
JCP001: detroit cobras. yor doin it wrong
JCP001: i really like them, but i dunno wtf that was
OneLastCigarette: i would like to have seen more of cursive, but you rushed me
JCP001: casualty of too many beers and bottled water on the beach
JCP001: it had to go down like that
OneLastCigarette: i didnt know they replaced the cello’s with horns in the old songs too. it sounded ok
OneLastCigarette: what was with that out of control lady with the kid in nathans
JCP001: people are gross
JCP001: bottom line
OneLastCigarette: feels like both of these reviews suck
JCP001: they do.
OneLastCigarette: not like we’re gonna get fired
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