You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2007.


vdelsante: yo
JCP001: oh man
JCP001: the bionic woman was cool
vdelsante: you crazy kids and your tv shows
JCP001: i have a feeling it’s gonna be like alias but with… bionics.
vdelsante: i would have to agree
vdelsante: but with bionics
vdelsante: meanwhile, I’m sitting here watching Van Halen videos on YouTube
JCP001: that’s it?
vdelsante: yeah
vdelsante: i was watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
vdelsante: started falling asleep because I got no sleep last night
vdelsante: and then woke up because it’s so damn hot in here
JCP001: because you have no fans?
JCP001: or ac?
vdelsante: i have a fan
vdelsante: a really powerful one, but it’s still hot
vdelsante: so whats up? did you listen to the album yet?
JCP001: i listened to the first 5-6 songs and cruised through the rest because i was getting bored
JCP001: i got the gist
vdelsante: yeah, the album was largely disappointing
vdelsante: 5 out of the first 6 albums are a great rock albums
vdelsante: and then the bottom dropped out
JCP001: this album is all over the place musically
vdelsante: it was like a few of the other songs are good, but they belong on a different album
vdelsante: yeah
JCP001: they hit you with the their best rock out effort first then drag you through their b-sides for the remaining 45 minutes
vdelsante: they took a lot of those acoustic songs from the last album that they didn’t use and put them on here
vdelsante: oh my god, you totally hit it
vdelsante: that first song is so powerful…it could be a rock anthem, and then it starts to fall apart
JCP001: it’s big.
JCP001: see, my thing about the foo fighters that they have some really good songs but not any solid, really good albums
vdelsante: i don’t necessarily agree with that
vdelsante: I think Colour and the Shape is a great album all the way through
JCP001: my next mission if i choose to accept it will be to make a grammy winning foo fighters playlist
vdelsante: from all their albums?
JCP001: yes
vdelsante: that can’t be that hard to do
vdelsante: look, the last three albums were sloppy
JCP001: they never won anything right?
vdelsante: One by One, In Your Honor, and this one…all over the place
JCP001: i’d wiki them but i’m sure the 17 yo that wrote the “facts” tossed in a grammy or 2 for the hell of it
JCP001: i like “come alive” too
vdelsante: One by One won Best Rock Album
vdelsante: so did There Is Nothing Left to Lose
vdelsante: Nothing Left is probably the last solid effort from beginning to end
JCP001: did you just wiki that?
vdelsante: of course I did!
JCP001: little jimmy in utah is giggling
vdelsante: ’cause I wiki’d?
vdelsante: Come Alive is quite possibly the best song on the album
vdelsante: quite possibly
vdelsante: Pretender is a really strong contender too
vdelsante: Pretender and Contender…two old shows from NBC
JCP001: then i just lose interest
vdelsante: there you go, Little Jimmy in Utah
JCP001: he’s mormon, of course
vdelsante: that’s all there is in Utah
JCP001: and then they get kinda poppy and acousticy towards the end
vdelsante: when i listened back to the album, i realized that 6 out of 13 songs are good
vdelsante: great even
vdelsante: but that’s a failing grade in high school
JCP001: statues is like a jack johnson song.
vdelsante: that’s a very old school classic rock song
JCP001: none of these songs at the end belong on the same album as the first 5-6
vdelsante: i agree 150%
vdelsante: Anything after Summer’s End is a throwaway
JCP001: they start off strong out of the gate but… that’s it
vdelsante: they don’t hit a wall immediately
vdelsante: they jump out and suddenly realize it’s a race, not a sprint
JCP001: they just run out of steam
vdelsante: yeah
JCP001: as if jaime sommers’ boinics failed her mid sprint
vdelsante: you love that show already
JCP001: 150%
vdelsante: you’re a mark
JCP001: how’s that?
vdelsante: it’s like being a Hulk Hogan fan in ’84
vdelsante: you saw him body slam an Iranian sheik and you think he’s the greatest thing in the world
JCP001: dude they pulled some david fincher shit on her legs when she first started hauling ass
vdelsante: you know, I should have watched it because I keep remembering how they did super speed in the 70’s
vdelsante: …they’d slow all the movement down
vdelsante: how does that work?
JCP001: and they have cast members from my other geek love, battlestar galactica
vdelsante: just Starbuck, right?
JCP001: watch a divid fincher movie, we’ll talk
JCP001: the Chief and the lawyer dude from last season
vdelsante: oh, I’ve never seen Se7en or Fight Club
vdelsante: asshole
JCP001: starbuck looks slimmer but she’s still beat
vdelsante: aw!
vdelsante: Katee!
vdelsante: Let the record show that Whitey Blaq hates the ladies
JCP001: no, just the beat ones
vdelsante: haha
vdelsante: how dare you try to call me out on David Fincher
vdelsante: I haven’t seen Zodiac yet though
vdelsante: and Panic Room
JCP001: alien 3? c’mon
vdelsante: saw Alien 3
JCP001: the rock!
vdelsante: but not The Game
vdelsante: The Rock?
vdelsante: what are you talking about?
JCP001: charles dutton
vdelsante: hahaha
vdelsante: oh my god
vdelsante: that dude killed a dude, you know
JCP001: did he? makes him even fucking cooler
vdelsante: Fincher is supposed to do Torso (which was a Bendis comic)
JCP001: with his bare hands i hope
vdelsante: probably just a gun
vdelsante: some dudes are weak like that
JCP001: rate this shit. i’m already dragging off the 2 songs i like onto a better playlist.
vdelsante: haha
vdelsante: what’s the halfway point?
vdelsante: like directly in the middle?
vdelsante: 2.5?
JCP001: i’m giving it a 2
vdelsante: ouch!
JCP001: you can have a 3, if you like
vdelsante: is it out of 5?
vdelsante: or 6?
JCP001: 5
JCP001: four is like pudge territory
vdelsante: I’ll give it a three
vdelsante: barely
JCP001: i’m sure no one scrolls to the bottom immediately. our banter is just too witty not to read
JCP001:2stars.jpg vdelsante:3stars.jpg



8:07 PM
OneLastCigarette: im free
JCP001: so?
OneLastCigarette: what the fuck do you mean so
OneLastCigarette: dont start with me buffter poindexter
OneLastCigarette: are you ready
JCP001: okay fucker. i just kicked a cat across the room. i’m fightin’ ready
8:10 PM
OneLastCigarette: dante or rolo?
JCP001: dante. he deserved it. if not now then he’d have earned it in the future
JCP001: your response time is lacking.
OneLastCigarette has gone offline.
8:15 PM
OneLastCigarette is now online.
8:20 PM
JCP001: your internet is free apparently
OneLastCigarette: snitches get stitches, bitch
OneLastCigarette: can we get on with this
8:25 PM
OneLastCigarette: who’s kenye west?
JCP001: i’ve been fucking like that up all day. we’ll get the misspellers that way now.
OneLastCigarette: some kid named bart in pennsylvania is gonna be called “fart” by his teammates for the rest of his little league career
OneLastCigarette: i hope youre proud
JCP001: he’ll learn to accept it
JCP001: i haven’t listened to this for a few days
OneLastCigarette: ive done my best not to kill it
OneLastCigarette: so at first i thought he fell short, but it turns out this is just a grower
JCP001: oh hell yes
OneLastCigarette: it hasnt stopped growing yet either
JCP001: even “champion” grew on me and that has an annoying sample
JCP001: i’m glad he toned that down.
OneLastCigarette: i knew you would get past that
JCP001: also glad he didn’t do skits
JCP001: i hate me some skits
OneLastCigarette: yeah, nobody liked the skits
OneLastCigarette: toned what down?
JCP001: shut the fuck up, you’re not an actor of comedian.
OneLastCigarette: sampling?
JCP001: toned down his record of annoying samples
OneLastCigarette: yeah but they had bernie mac. hes an actor AND a comedian
OneLastCigarette: albeit an annoying stereotypical one
JCP001: i was trying to count how many times he says louis vuitton but I gave up
JCP001: that’s like counting the body count on 24. i picked the wrong season to try to guesstimate that one
OneLastCigarette: did you see the macfarlane bauer?
OneLastCigarette: oh my god, its exquisite
JCP001: it’s great
OneLastCigarette: and the companion books
JCP001: he has crates to duck behind
OneLastCigarette: to clarify the mush of seasonal happenings in your brain
OneLastCigarette: and the bag. i love the bag
OneLastCigarette: i think we’ve strayed quite far enough
OneLastCigarette: anyway
OneLastCigarette: apparently… kanye threw a temper tantrum at the VMAs over not winning
OneLastCigarette: its on youtube
JCP001: it’s great
JCP001: I’m listening to flashing lights
OneLastCigarette: brb phone
JCP001: “…til i got flashed by the paparazzi. damn. these niggas got me. i hate these niggas more than nazis” think on that.
JCP001: hang up. you’re “free” lets go. clock’s ticking, lover boy
OneLastCigarette: hold on cock
JCP001: while lenny is away i will take this opportunity to plug my friend’s band because i can.
OneLastCigarette: dude
JCP001: are you free again?
OneLastCigarette: the glory is my favorite song on this record
OneLastCigarette: he has that fiery intensity in his flow that he kind of left at home on this run
8:45 PM
OneLastCigarette: “can i talk my shit again, even if i dont hit again?”
JCP001: but the songs and beats are still strong
OneLastCigarette: yeah totally
OneLastCigarette: im taking absolutely nothing away form this album
JCP001: i even like the chris martin song until he overstays his welcome for the last minute of the song
OneLastCigarette: ive heard varying criticism of that song, i think its a certified banger
OneLastCigarette: front to back
JCP001: did you hear the bonus tracks?
JCP001: it is. i could do without the last 30 seconds of him yodelling though
OneLastCigarette: i was gonna quote him again, but we would just be sitting here typing every lyric on the record if we tried to repeat all the memorable lines
OneLastCigarette: GRAY AREA
OneLastCigarette: i have the japanese import version
JCP001: did you hear the bonus tracks
OneLastCigarette: my last two tracks are goodnight and bittersweet
OneLastCigarette: i dont think so. did you hear the songs i just mentioned?
JCP001: those are good too
JCP001: yes
OneLastCigarette: i guess youll have to fly solo on those two tracks
OneLastCigarette: go
JCP001: i have a remix of can’t tell me nothin which has different lyrics which is cool. like a fresh new song
JCP001: who won the “feud?”
8:50 PM
OneLastCigarette: as of a couple of days ago kanye was projected as many as 200,000 units ahead of 50
OneLastCigarette: 50 recanted his career ending bet a while ago
JCP001: puss
JCP001: at least take it like a man
JCP001: don’t start nothing you can’t finish
OneLastCigarette: i have something to say
OneLastCigarette: i think drunk and hot girls is a great song
OneLastCigarette: and i dont care what anybody says
JCP001: i like it too now. like you said it’s a grower
OneLastCigarette: one thing about this record that will never ever be ok
OneLastCigarette: and i think this is a unanimous decision
JCP001: what’s that?
OneLastCigarette: big brother is so awkward and bad
JCP001: kinda yeah…
JCP001: but people will tell him it great because it’s about jigga
OneLastCigarette: lil wayne is one of my favorite rappers ever. im really happy he holds the only guest mc spot on this
OneLastCigarette has gone offline.
OneLastCigarette is now online.
OneLastCigarette: wrap this shit up. my ride is almost here
OneLastCigarette: final thoughts?
JCP001: nah. 4
OneLastCigarette: “dog is you fuckin kiddin?”
OneLastCigarette: 5. and i would give it a 6 if i could.
OneLastCigarette: yeah
OneLastCigarette: let me get your other hand
OneLastCigarette: this gets a 10
OneLastCigarette: im out
JCP001: “…you got Ds, mothafucker, Ds, Rosie Perez”
9:00 PM
JCP001: shit like that makes it for me
OneLastCigarette: “im like the fly malcom x. buy any jeans necessary” he’s got punch lines for days
JCP001: know what? i’m throwin’ up a full five for Ye
OneLastCigarette: Yeezy
JCP001: “keep makin’ that platinum and gold for me”
OneLastCigarette: unpresidented ladies and gentlemen
OneLastCigarette: i changed whitey’s mind
JCP001: no. the fact that i’ve been spitting his dumb shit for days did
JCP001: my will. it is strong
OneLastCigarette: whatever you want, princess. im gone for real this time.
JCP001:5stars.jpg OneLastCigarette:5stars.jpg

Ed. note: No cats were harmed during this review.


If you’re interested in obtaining a copy of this Ben Lee has made it available here.

OneLastCigarette: yo lets git one of er’ done right now
6:15 PM
JCP001: gimme a few
OneLastCigarette: whats a few
OneLastCigarette: you will come back to an empty IM box
6:20 PM
OneLastCigarette: i cant believe youre actually the best partner i can get
OneLastCigarette: so i wait
6:35 PM
JCP001: what are you going on about, miss sandy vagina?
OneLastCigarette: im here to do the fucking thing
OneLastCigarette: and i wont be here all fuckin day
OneLastCigarette: suzie day planner
JCP001: Ben Lee Sings Against Me! New Wave
OneLastCigarette: pencil me in fag
JCP001: that’s how i do now
OneLastCigarette: what, map out your day on a grid?
JCP001: no, drop the title jack off
OneLastCigarette: choke on an aids dick
JCP001: like your mom’s?
OneLastCigarette: like anybody pays attention to the structure of the title but us
JCP001: so i thought this ben lee record was a joke when you told me about it
OneLastCigarette has gone offline.
6:40 PM
OneLastCigarette is now online.
OneLastCigarette: i would like to note here that jeff has just gone idle mid-review
JCP001: no you signed out on your bootleg internets
JCP001: you signed off, i moved on. i’m a busy guy, mr. babysitter
JCP001: and i’m listening to the record now.
JCP001: i sound ready to me
OneLastCigarette: mr babysitter
OneLastCigarette: remember that when i unexpectedly insult you later
JCP001: do you prefer miss?
OneLastCigarette: it will be just
JCP001: so since when does ben lee look like screech?
JCP001: he really did grow up ugly
OneLastCigarette: was it you who i heard say “ugh, he grew up ugly.”
OneLastCigarette: well then
JCP001: and i said it again. i can reuse previous comedic saying so long as they’re mine.
OneLastCigarette: take it easy
OneLastCigarette: this is like a lofi richard cheese album
JCP001: it’s new wave light. he basically covers it straight before against me! could
JCP001: but acoustically in his high voice.
The person is not currently online.
JCP001: and you went where?
OneLastCigarette: i would rather be a famous partial-birth abortionist than take credit for this
OneLastCigarette: it just ended
JCP001: i don’t think it’s half bad
OneLastCigarette: you are a moron
JCP001: i actually like that he sings the duet solo
JCP001: Borne On The FM Waves Of The Heart
JCP001: i’m not into that teagan girl
OneLastCigarette: the only thing ill give this is that its catchy in the way a wedding singer covering pop songs is
OneLastCigarette: a prepubecent wedding singer
OneLastCigarette: at first i was kind of into it until i realized how high and easy to please i felt
JCP001: i would fix that later, but i won’t i like prepu
JCP001: meant to delete that. not press enter
OneLastCigarette: wow what
JCP001: and he did it because he loved the original album…
JCP001: …and he had time on his hands
OneLastCigarette: this means exactly dick to me
JCP001: and a production guy
OneLastCigarette: commonly known as the “producer”
JCP001: i’m just tossing out when i read on his myspace blog
OneLastCigarette: dont edit this conversation at all
JCP001: i’m not trying to change your mind, sandy
OneLastCigarette: i know, but dont take anything out of this
JCP001: still trying to take in that momentary retardation up there?
OneLastCigarette: i hope this doesnt start an irritating trend for b-singer songwriters to cover entire albums of bands who would publicly strip and beat them for being so vag
OneLastCigarette has gone offline.
7:00 PM
JCP001: jesus
The person is not currently online.
OneLastCigarette is now online.
OneLastCigarette: am i online?
JCP001: yes. i hope it does. more fodder for us! kanye’s got a cover album of the new 50 cent ready to drop 2 weeks after graduation
OneLastCigarette: psyched
OneLastCigarette: lets rate this piece of trash
OneLastCigarette: hey, guess my score!
JCP001: i’m not into ben lee but he really can’t ruin already good songs. 3. you’re a douche
OneLastCigarette: yes he can. the kid looks like he could fuck up a wet dream
JCP001:3stars.jpg OneLastCigarette: ? ? ? ? ?