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This is NOT the cover art. There is actually cover art but, honestly, I didn’t have time to hunt it down. Plus there are also a ton of people making their own. Some okay, some not okay. You can see what the actual art looks like on the Radiohead site. C’mon, I can’t do everything for you. Happy hunting. Also, our guest reviewer this time ’round runs this site here. All Hail Modok!

Well, well, well. Look what we found. Not only the front but the back as well. Kudos to Lenny. He navigates the web like the inside of your mom’s panties.

brocbrock: you there?
JCP001: yeah. one sec
brocbrock: I’m putting on my super totally awesome headphones. Just sayin.
JCP001: are they those big dj head phones that need an adapter to plug it into anything?
brocbrock: yep. they weigh like 5 pounds and say ‘noise cancellation.’ which I’m pretty sure is bullshit.
brocbrock: are there any ground rules here other than trying not to say I’d have Thom Yorke’s weird looking babies?
JCP001: not really. free reign to kiss his lopsided face all you like
brocbrock: I didn’t say I’d kiss him.
JCP001: worked for julia roberts
brocbrock: Exactly.
brocbrock: first impressions?
JCP001: first round i wasn’t wasn’t impressed. even if it was a free record. i was like, “oh good, squarepusher meets radiohead… again.”
JCP001: that’s right. free. I gave them £0.00
JCP001: some other dude who didn’t know there was a USD conversion table link on the site paid for my record when he gave them £10. jackasses
brocbrock: I have to agree on that early on. By the way, I paid the £40. US/UK conversion’s a bitch. My heavy vinyl’s gonna be sweet. I just need a record player
JCP001: i’m not a collector. i don’t care. i just want the songs.
brocbrock: My buddy said “it’s boring.” Which I can’t entirely disagree with.
brocbrock: I’m not a collector either except with these guys. What can I say? I’m a fan.
brocbrock: But this new shit is, at the outset, not especially striking.
JCP001: i like radiohead. they’re not the end all and be all of everything. they’re just a band–thom yorke and some other dudes no one knows the names of.
JCP001: it’s grower
brocbrock: J. Greenwood, C. Greenwood, Phil Selway. Without whose drumming, would make Radiohead Thom Yorke’s trance project. Thank god for Selway.
JCP001: i have no way of telling if you looked that up
brocbrock: a little check to the spelling should probably prove I didn’t.
JCP001: one guy looks like Aaron from 24. the secret service guy
JCP001: oh yeah… RADIOHEAD IN RAINBOWS
brocbrock: I don’t own a TV. Radiohead told me to throw it out
JCP001: but yeah, after a bunch of listens it grew on me. there’s something lo-fi about it like there’s something lo-fi about spoon.
brocbrock: yes definitely. it’s real stripped down and recorded simply.
“Faust Arp,” I’m pretty sure, is the most blatant “We would like to be The Beatles” piece of music that’s actually good I’ve ever heard.
brocbrock: What’s the best song on this thing? I’m going straight for the jugular.
JCP001: i read somewhere that a majority of these songs are old–played live and never recorded. what say you, radiohead geek?
JCP001: is there a term for radioheadites?
JCP001: 15 step or reckoner. leaning more towards reckoner
brocbrock: I believe it’s “assholes who aren’t actually assholes” long, I know, but…yeah.
brocbrock: Yeah a lot of this stuff has been in the live sets for a while
brocbrock: 15 step, when that bass line comes in just for a second and disappears, I have to change my shorts after that.
JCP001: i like weird fishes and bodysnatchers a lot too
brocbrock: I’m pretty sure Yorke’s the only guy who can sing “I get eaten by the worms and weird fishes” without me laughing at him.
JCP001: yeah i skipped googling the lyrics
JCP001: i’m not big on deciphering lyrics
brocbrock: I’m afraid they might disappoint on this one. “I don’t want to be your friend, I just want to be your lover.” I dunno about that shit.
JCP001: yorke likes to make weird babies
brocbrock: Yep. Weird, weird fucking babies. Am I allowed to swear? I swear alot when talking about Radiohead because I have trouble articulating my level of worship…
JCP001: they also inadvertently turned the industry on it’s ear which earns them points
brocbrock: yes, this band has in my mind done a lot to engage people about certain things…things in the industry that are effed
brocbrock: I really like “Videotape” a lot as well.
brocbrock: the thing about this record, I think, is that it’s more pretty than groundbreaking.
JCP001: musically it’s a good record. how they went about getting it out there was groundbreaking. i’m into bands doing it on their own.
JCP001: i like that kind of initiative or ethic
brocbrock: me too, bigtime.
JCP001: i did a punk/comic zine years ago so some of that crap sticks with me
brocbrock: gotcha. It’s the best way to make music. these guys have been on that tip for a long time. after their second record made a ton of money, they just bought a ton of recording equipment and they’ve been sort of doing things on their own terms ever since I think. with or without Capitol Records. I think the symbolic move of releasing this themselves is an admirable way to go about things. They pre-empted the leak and gave it away for free. Granted, they can afford it, but it’s still big.
brocbrock: if you had to call Radiohead a jam band or a punk band–no other choices–what would you call ’em?
JCP001: jam.
brocbrock: me too.
brocbrock: I just hope they quit while they’re ahead so I don’t have to be that guy buying “special burritos” at their washed up concerts 20 years from now. That would suck.
JCP001: they’re smart enough i think to end on a high note. i think they’ll know when they’re done
brocbrock: yeah I agree.
brocbrock: So you have anything else to say about this thing?
JCP001: i’m pretty much done. like i said it’s good record, the way they went about releasing it gives them points. top marks for yorke… and joe, jim, steve and edgar or whatever their names are
JCP001: they always have, like dirty, stretched white t-shirts on in press shots. they got their loot invested son
brocbrock: Yeah, I think, like you said, it’s a grower for sure. I have to say almost every record this band has made after OK computer has been a grower, and I’m fine with that. My favorite records are the ones that took the longest to really get into. And Thom, if you’re reading this, my number’s 860-THOM-ROX.
brocbrock: dude they’re building a space ship to ride the hell out of here when the world collapses, which they’ve predicted by tapping into the brain of Thom’s weird baby.
JCP001: it just has a huge hairless head and a droopy eye. it would look like modok
brocbrock: wait, is that the thing in Total Recall? cuz if so, you’re awesome
JCP001: no but that’s better! (Ed. Note: I take that back. NOTHING is better than Baby Modok –JCP001)
brocbrock: oh yeah that’s quato or something. what’s modok?
JCP001: i’m was going to make a felatio joke but i don’t know you well enough
brocbrock: I spend every radiohead coversation trying not to suck their dicks. its ok.
JCP001: you’d give them 6 fingers if you could. 5 for the record and one to stick up yorke’s ass while you blow him. there.
brocbrock: and I’m keeping my fingers clean on this one. Five out of six for me. wait. can I do five and a half? fuck.
JCP001: this ain’t pitchfork, buddy. no point anything
brocbrock: what’s pitchfork?
JCP001: good answer
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OneLastCigarette: WHITEY!
OneLastCigarette: BRING THAT SHIT!
JCP001: LENNY!
OneLastCigarette: if people knew what it sounded like when you sceam my name it would be a lot funnier. like when we used to square off in marvel capcom
OneLastCigarette: “HOWD’YA LIKE MEH NOW LENNAY!”
JCP001: I’d squash you with duel Captains
OneLastCigarette: lets not give the wrong impression
OneLastCigarette: we were 50/50 far as i remember, overall
JCP001: and at least we were obvious about cheesing each other
OneLastCigarette:that was the point of our matches, who could make the other more pissed. dont try that on the korean gang bangers though
OneLastCigarette: they took their marvel capcom to heart, son
JCP001: they’d deliver killer combos with their robot-like precision button pressing
OneLastCigarette: yeah dude i really dont know how they did that
JCP001: Paul Kil would be like “Lemme try some fucked up, unbreakable combo with Wolverine”
JCP001: mad claws, son
OneLastCigarette: johnson wong used to hit me with a stryder combo that took my entire energy bar except for one hit. then he would throw me
OneLastCigarette: before i could tag out
JCP001: lol
OneLastCigarette: ok enough
OneLastCigarette: hahaha
JCP001: Stryder and Wolvie were the Korean’s dream team
OneLastCigarette: BERZERKER BARAGE
JCP001: Andrew Hong would pull some shit in that game too
OneLastCigarette: hong was on the level between johnson and us
JCP001: because we could still occasionally had him his ass. he was shunned by his people for not being korean enough
OneLastCigarette: the only one who could take on johnson head on was our andrew, the little one. he had some pretty sick combos for a white boy
JCP001: dude i’m dying over here
OneLastCigarette: hong didnt dye the tips of his hair or wear super wide legs
OneLastCigarette: me too. nobody is gonna get this but us, but who cares. isnt that how all of our posts go
JCP001: i used to love the group of kids and you’d have to run through each of them until they beat you
OneLastCigarette: sometimes it would take hours
OneLastCigarette: have kids goin back for change three and four times
JCP001: “jen, watch the store”
OneLastCigarette: or when you were working alone and you just prayed nobody would come in
JCP001: i lost many games that way
OneLastCigarette: and i would stand still while the clock ran down so you could ask if they needed help
OneLastCigarette: dont hit me son
OneLastCigarette: time out son
JCP001: haha
OneLastCigarette: THE WHITE STRIPES – ICKY THUMP
OneLastCigarette: ok lemme put it on
JCP001: the only song I consciously skip is St. Andrew
OneLastCigarette: wait, i gotta drop a duece. brb
JCP001: All that hummus
OneLastCigarette: nah i just ate 1.5 steak wraps and some fries at wrap n’ roll
OneLastCigarette: anyway, it didnt put up a fight, so im back already
OneLastCigarette: so yeah the bagpipe noise is tolerable for a little while, but i think they do it for way too long
JCP001: and it gets all acid jazzy
JCP001: i listen to this straight through though. I keep St. Andrew unchecked
JCP001: I forgot that I liked the White Stripes. I passed on their last album too for reasons unknown
OneLastCigarette: yeah me too, straight through. usually i start to convulse by the middle of that track and skip it. i dont like to uncheck, im anal about that shit
OneLastCigarette: ive passed on most of their shit. to me they were always good in small doses
JCP001: even this?
OneLastCigarette: by passed i mean never listened to once
OneLastCigarette: but ive always liked them a lot
OneLastCigarette: they do an amazing cover of my favorite bob dylan song on their s/t
JCP001: they got the dirty, bluesy rock down pat. wouldn’t be as raw with a bassist
OneLastCigarette: did you know some tool added bass to white blood cells and released it on the internet as red blood cells
JCP001: yeah, i know
JCP001: I didn’t hear it. I think Nick said he liked it
OneLastCigarette: i think nick said he liked the buster poindexter album too
OneLastCigarette: hes way too nice about music
JCP001: he has eclectic taste
OneLastCigarette: oh nick
OneLastCigarette: i really like rag & bone, and the speaking part
OneLastCigarette: hes more than just a musician, hes an entertainer on many fronts
JCP001: half the time it sounds like he’s making shit up as he goes
JCP001: freestyle rock
OneLastCigarette: maybe he one-takes it like jay-z. right off the top of his head
JCP001: i was almost waiting for a jay-z intro. “White stripes! make it rain! Told ya I’d be back! Hove!
OneLastCigarette: oh, i just noticed the third person behind them on the album cover. you think thats some cryptic imagery? and i wonder if they originally planned to have the hat on jack in the pic
JCP001: maybe it’s yetti
OneLastCigarette: the crew swears she wasn’t there when they did the shoot
JCP001: i think it’s their personal sorceress
OneLastCigarette: she conjures up the hideous wardrobe
JCP001: she’s on hand for emergency whack wardrobe changes
OneLastCigarette: the yodeling gets too me
OneLastCigarette:but just before it ends. meg makes that song good
OneLastCigarette: that is megs voice, right?
JCP001: yes
JCP001: actually, i think it’s jeremy enigk
OneLastCigarette: yeah, these noises are too fucking much
OneLastCigarette: bagpipe synth
OneLastCigarette: blech
JCP001: i think enigk’s been mentioned as much as tim duffy
JCP001: uncheck it
JCP001: join us
OneLastCigarette: oh that reminds me
OneLastCigarette: i have a blurb
JCP001: awesome. hit me
OneLastCigarette: just a sec
OneLastCigarette: fillmerejive (4:49:01 AM): new white stripes fucking kills by the way
JCP001: that’s it?
OneLastCigarette: no
OneLastCigarette: just a sec
OneLastCigarette: i saved it jumbled in a txt
OneLastCigarette: fuck
JCP001: douche
OneLastCigarette: fillmerejive (4:54:07 AM): i love the bagpipe
OneLastCigarette: thats it
OneLastCigarette: and he said he loves conquest too
OneLastCigarette: hes right about conquest
JCP001: it’s awesome
JCP001: kinda doesn’t fit, yet kinda does
OneLastCigarette: little cream soda and cause & effect also stellar
OneLastCigarette: yeah conquest sounds like jack guesting on a mariachi album, but in a good way
JCP001: conquest is something that rodriguez would use for the ending credits of his next mexican vampires movie
OneLastCigarette: i still have to download…i mean patiently await the dvd for grindhouse
JCP001: yes. dvd
OneLastCigarette: we love dvd’s and cd’s
OneLastCigarette: its not like the last cd i actually bought was the dangerous minds soundtrack or anything
OneLastCigarette: that would be wrong
JCP001: yes
OneLastCigarette: cant wait for the new coolio album
JCP001: i’m sure it’s as awesome as the new dmx
JCP001: i figure I’ll play icky thump to death then not listen to the white stripes for 4 months
OneLastCigarette: 4 months seems a bit soon
OneLastCigarette: i think this is better than the raconteurs album which i thought was good
JCP001: can’t fault a guy for being consistently good. it doesn’t happen often
OneLastCigarette: and i don’t have too much experience with them in the whole album sense, but i think this is their best. i could be wrong and hammered down by their fanboys, but since when is that a factor
OneLastCigarette: it happens almost never nowadays
JCP001: if i were meg i’d tip my black mage’s cap at him
OneLastCigarette: aren’t they divorced, or related, or detached siamese twins or something
OneLastCigarette: ive heard all kinds of stories
JCP001: i don’t really care what the case is. talk to dnice for the gossip
OneLastCigarette: shes far too busy for me these days
JCP001: whatever the case they’re keeping their wardrobe sorceress busy with matching whackness
OneLastCigarette: those three amigos costumes really gotta go
OneLastCigarette: on the back cover they’re chewing on blackened bat wings
JCP001: that makes me happy somehow
JCP001: i think the spectacle makes them better though. they wouldn’t be half as good in jeans and t-shirts
OneLastCigarette: like i said, entertainers on many fronts
JCP001: i’m done. this review would make the Captains proud
OneLastCigarette: whatever. i got next.
OneLastCigarette: ::slaps quarter::
JCP001: people would get mad if you lined $2 up there
JCP001: even one dollar
OneLastCigarette: you cant do that son, its one turn at a time. there would be like 20 smelly sweaty teens in a four by four space
OneLastCigarette: and they all had next
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JCP001: linkin park minutes to midnight. this album needs more weed
OneLastCigarette: i’d prefer a heroin overdose
JCP001: what’s it been 4 years since their last record? if i were a fan i’d know.
OneLastCigarette: i was really into their ep and first album but that was like 99 or some shit
OneLastCigarette: i was 17-18. i know the last one had a ton of singles and videos, but whatever.
JCP001: not for nothing but collision course with jay-z is good.
OneLastCigarette: oh yeah totally. that record killed
OneLastCigarette: i know they dont wanna be rap/rock anymore, but shinoda is making an ass of himself now. he cant fucking sing and he sings a whole song, and in the video he looks like a moron rocking out with a guitar
JCP001: he’s just awful. i’m glad they abandoned that rap/metal frankenstein’s monster
OneLastCigarette: its the hybrid theory, bro
JCP001: he only talks over 2 songs. i don’t even want to call it rapping
OneLastCigarette: you have a point
JCP001: he’s beat. the fort minor mixtape is good though. not for shinoda but for the guest appearances
OneLastCigarette: like a nate dogg album
JCP001: even his lesser known rap buddies like styles of beyond are way better. they just pop by the album hoping to sell more of theirs
JCP001: shadow of the day sounds like a jimmy eat world b-side
JCP001: they do a lot of ballads. less scratching and noise making
OneLastCigarette: yeah so now they have two members who are virtually useless
JCP001: shinoda learned guitar before they were able to kick him out
OneLastCigarette: ross robinson produced this. the only thing i ever liked by him was glassJAw and 99 problems
JCP001: what did you google that?
OneLastCigarette: no, tim duffy told me
JCP001: so he googled it
OneLastCigarette: basically
OneLastCigarette: i knew he did gj and 99 though
OneLastCigarette: no “lame pre-review research” this time. thank god
JCP001: good job
OneLastCigarette: trying to please our finicky fans is all
JCP001: look at you–a man of the people
JCP001: the album cover reminds me of rocket from the crypt scream dracula scream
OneLastCigarette: the album cover reminds me that they’ve run dry on ideas
JCP001: i don’t think the fact that there’s a scorpion in the opening of the video for what i’ve done is a coincidence…
OneLastCigarette: strange
OneLastCigarette: never had a chance to get to know rftc
JCP001: yeah, you did i’d play them in JHU all the time
OneLastCigarette: oh yeah that was only 8 years ago
OneLastCigarette: i remember now
JCP001: i like one song on this record.
OneLastCigarette: thats 1 more than me
JCP001: given up. i think it’s the claps and the chain rattling. probably the wallet chains of their fans
OneLastCigarette: aww
OneLastCigarette: yeah the claps are the only sound on the rec that i like
JCP001: i’m sure it’ll make a good entrance song for my wrestler on raw vs. smackdown
OneLastCigarette: thats their one remaining fan applauding this album
JCP001: aww
JCP001: and it’s this dude
OneLastCigarette: who the fuck is that?
JCP001: one of my myspace friends
OneLastCigarette: and you only accepted cause his profile was private and you couldnt hate him enough with only 1 pic
JCP001: i had a little back and forth with him. he’s ok
OneLastCigarette: if you say so. any acquaintance of whitey’s is tolerated by me
OneLastCigarette: i always thought chester sounded like the dude from quiet riot
JCP001: i think he has a good voice actually. just the songs suck
OneLastCigarette: cum on feel the noise always pops into my head. i dunno
JCP001: nah
OneLastCigarette: well this wouldnt be a review if i didnt say something i could get bashed for.
JCP001: i think he sounds more like jeremy enigk
OneLastCigarette: but only rising tide, right?
JCP001: listen reaaaaaaal close
OneLastCigarette: not like diary or anything
JCP001: totally not
OneLastCigarette: yeah i hear it
OneLastCigarette: its D-Lightful
JCP001: i figured you’d have more to say about this record.
OneLastCigarette: i figured you would…
OneLastCigarette: im kind of at a loss
OneLastCigarette: i just hate it. i hated it all 4 times i listened
JCP001: it’s not their usual crap. they influenced a bunch of other crappy bands so maybe they wanted to distance themselves
JCP001: now they’re just a crappy alternative band with two not quite hip-hop songs tossed in
OneLastCigarette: alas, we suffer so the readers don’t have to. like a two headed jesus.
JCP001: mystical in our two-headedness
OneLastCigarette: no pointing hands. clap with that, jerkoffs.
OneLastCigarette: bet the next album is “greatest hits”. laced with jay-z, ripe for mass consumption.
JCP001: wow. a rating of zero
OneLastCigarette: yeah, i figure i wont have many chances since we rarely agree to review what we hate
JCP001: i’ll give it a generous one. the thumb since fall out boy already has the middle
OneLastCigarette: i would give them a 1 for old time’s sake, but that wouldn’t be fair to all the new bands i hate
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OneLastCigarette: ok scrap everything start right here ok?
OneLastCigarette: greet me
OneLastCigarette: haha
JCP001: can we bow like we’re sparring
OneLastCigarette: touch keyboards and get in your corner, bitch
OneLastCigarette: im screaming like ken shamrock right now
JCP001: I tried really hard to listen to this straight through. i did
OneLastCigarette: dude, i know i said it was ok, but i just hate them.
JCP001: i couldn’t. I failed the fear factor challenge
OneLastCigarette: it irritates me to no end, that album. i listened to is like 8 times to rate the songs impartially. i will never touch it again
JCP001: I will say that they do have some catchy songs
JCP001: That stupid single was stuck in my head even though the opening sounds like a backstreet boys song
JCP001: i thought it was a joke
OneLastCigarette: its like a 48 minute chorus, and you get sick of it on the fifteenth minute
OneLastCigarette: i give them props for the jay-z intro.
OneLastCigarette: one prop
OneLastCigarette: and i could take it away just as easy.
JCP001: jay-z gets no props for it though
JCP001: zero
JCP001: it’s not music that adults should listen to at all
OneLastCigarette: yeah, this is perfect for their 15-16 demographic.
JCP001: I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You) is a background song for the hills. it hurts
OneLastCigarette: something something in a honey moon, if i woke up next to you. i wanna kill myself over and over and over when i hear this song.
9:00 PM
JCP001: plus my old roommate killed them. she’d play that sugar we’re going down song to
JCP001: fucking
JCP001: death
OneLastCigarette: crap tracks, crap trak, skip to thnks fr th Mmrs. i actually enjoy this song. this has the undeniable childish fuck you vibe that made the panic! album good until that one listen when you wanted to kill every panda that wouldnt fuck to save its species
JCP001: they’re sounding more like Panic At The Disco
OneLastCigarette: coincidentally has the tool from panic in the toilet on it.
JCP001: jesus
JCP001: they sound the same
OneLastCigarette: it’s like a joke having them sing together because they have the exact same voice
JCP001: Panic just has a drum machine. I think they borrowed fob’s
OneLastCigarette: the singer of panic let the singer of fob hold his banana seat bicycle for it
JCP001: aww how sweet
OneLastCigarette: he was like “bro, you know im comin’ back for my bike and my jar of pomade, lemme borrow that. arent we friends?”
OneLastCigarette: the (after) life of the party is annoying and boring.
OneLastCigarette: put love on hold young hollywood cause im the other–what the fuck is he saying?
JCP001: I never got that far on the record
OneLastCigarette: put it on. skip to the carpal tunnel of love
JCP001: some teenage girl will love it
OneLastCigarette: this is the only literally good song on the record
9:10 PM
JCP001: I think you like it because it sounds like a song alk trio dropped out of their notebook and these dudes picked it up
OneLastCigarette: close.
OneLastCigarette: fall out boy doesn’t get credit for it though. it has chad gilbert (former singer of shai hulud, current —- of new found glory) singing back-up, and im pretty sure playing some guitars, or at least writing them.
JCP001: the screaming gives it balls. just little lumps, not full balls
OneLastCigarette: balls before they drop, or after one’s been removed.
OneLastCigarette: the fob singer manages to take it full vagina before then end though, cancelling out any cool points aquired by hanging out with shai hulud
OneLastCigarette: or jay-z
JCP001: basically yeah
OneLastCigarette: ok, im tired of this. track suck, track suck, track suck…ok, second to last track
OneLastCigarette: you’re crashing but youre no wave
OneLastCigarette: good music
JCP001: I already started listen to another band entirely. this shit doesn’t hold my attention
OneLastCigarette: i don’t know exactly what he’s talking about. i prefer not to though.
JCP001: someone else write this track too?
OneLastCigarette: pretty sure.
9:15 PM
OneLastCigarette: we should also note that i read somewhere (make somewhere a link) that jay-z did some production on this platinum turd also.
OneLastCigarette: we should additionally note that i’m not 100% on that since i didnt give enough of a shit to google it.
JCP001: i don’t care enough to look it up either. i think if someone reading this has the drive, they should do it themselves. haha
OneLastCigarette: go on little ones, gather information…
OneLastCigarette: few last things
OneLastCigarette: theres a song on this record called this aint a scene, its an arms race, and the words go this aint a scene, its a god damn arms race. i have just one question about that song: wuuh?
JCP001: oh god. that last song made my sphincter tighten
JCP001: i don’t fucking know. it is infectious. not listening to it
JCP001: That was the song i thought was a joke
JCP001: but it’s not
9:20 PM
OneLastCigarette: i lost control of my bowels during the 76th repetition of the chorus
OneLastCigarette: well, i think we’ve been more than fair here. i’m fall out boyed out til’ their next record w/ intro by jesus christ and hand claps from 11 of the twelve apostles.
OneLastCigarette: peter said if they wanna go and be poseurs he’ll just stay home and drink wine.
JCP001: you referred to sspu as watered down. I don’t agree. THIS record is the purest water you can find
OneLastCigarette: no, this is like kool-aid bro.
OneLastCigarette: grape kool-aid
OneLastCigarette: anyway
JCP001: i give it one finger. the middle one
OneLastCigarette: with my new scoring system they came out with a 2.85. this would normally result in a three, but my new, new scoring system says they get a two, because they suck. im saving my first “one” for the new thrice album anyway.
JCP001: 2.85? how’d you come up with that?
OneLastCigarette: i star them in itunes, add the stars and divide by the number of tracks
OneLastCigarette: round up or down depending on whether im high or not.
JCP001: ok
JCP001: by the way, I have 2 fob songs in my library and they’re both covers
JCP001: i should delete those too
OneLastCigarette: final note
OneLastCigarette: this and lifetime come out on the same day (lifetime on fueled by ramen owned by vinnie of less than jake, puppetiered by pete wentz of fob and fob on island/def jam) and i dont know who’s doing who a favor there. if they two-pack it, i think everyone in the scene will end up with both somehow. thats good marketing.
OneLastCigarette: pete wentz (bassist) was quoted as saying something to the effect of fall out boy’s album is the biggest leak in the history of music because the internet gets more powerful every day and they are the biggest band on the internet
OneLastCigarette: also, hot topic will not be carrying this because fob’s dist. went behind their back and struck a promo deal with american eagle
OneLastCigarette: american eagle will be changing their name to bloody dead eagle to try to capture the rest of hot topics base
OneLastCigarette: theyre going to branch off with a plus size store called big fat bloody dead eagle, with platforms
JCP001: there you have it. if you can’t get it off the internet then hit up AE
OneLastCigarette: can i go finish shaving my chest? (do not put that in, im not joking)
JCP001: i lost interest in this review like 10 minutes ago anyway
JCP001: yes that is SO going in
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JCP001: okay
OneLastCigarette: im baking brownies.
JCP001: faggot
OneLastCigarette: im in bloc party mode
OneLastCigarette: we can’t put that word you just said on the site.
JCP001: how about gaylord?
OneLastCigarette: sally or something
JCP001: nancy boy
OneLastCigarette: non-discriminitory
OneLastCigarette: good
JCP001: we’re not being discriminatory dicks anymore? That’s what happens when you start baking brownies in your free time
OneLastCigarette: i think fruit is better
JCP001: i’ll *** out the word
OneLastCigarette: so my itunes play counts for this shit are like 6, 7, 8’s. some of those i was asleep for.
OneLastCigarette: the guy from grey’s anatomy dude. it’s bad pr
OneLastCigarette: ask your girlfriend.
JCP001: plus the guy from bloc party is gay
OneLastCigarette: i was giving him the benefit of the doubt on that.
JCP001: http://www.towleroad.com/2007/01/in_an_interview.html
JCP001: not like it matters.
OneLastCigarette: not that there’s anything wrong with that…
JCP001: not at all
OneLastCigarette: i have to say this one is not as good as silent alarm
JCP001: it’s not but there are some good songs on this record
OneLastCigarette: i really like the song uniform. i love the build-up
JCP001: tracks 1-5 are all good.
JCP001: that song “on” and it’s awful chorus “you make my tongue loose” is just… awful
JCP001: it makes my bowels loose
OneLastCigarette: yeah the end is a serious dragging zone.
OneLastCigarette: hunting for witches, uniform, the prayer are all good. they should stick to pop rock.
OneLastCigarette: he’s like “radio head…?” and im like “no”.
JCP001: listen to sunday. “I’ll love you in the morning, when you’re still hungover, i’ll love you in the morning when you’re still strung out” what the fuck??
OneLastCigarette: i know. it was a chore to listen to this enough times to tear it down, and don’t think i’m gonna let that work go unrewarded.
JCP001: this album just suffers from occasional bad lyrics
OneLastCigarette: but im not saying it’s a bad album. this is a solid album with a few glaring flaws.
JCP001: it’s a shame because the melodies are all still good
OneLastCigarette: yeah.
OneLastCigarette: “i will dazzle them with my wind”
OneLastCigarette: ok.
OneLastCigarette: nice wind bro.
JCP001: i think he says “wit”. “I still remember” is the single. it’s so-so
JCP001: the record is solid though. we’re seeing them in march which should be a hoot
OneLastCigarette: yeah just make sure you shout “play the old shit!”
JCP001: can you play helicopter for an hour?
OneLastCigarette: they can tour on these songs in two records or so, they have to baste a little.
OneLastCigarette: in five years we’ll post a retraction review apologizing to the people.
JCP001: really
OneLastCigarette: if the singer dies, they’ll be inducted into the rock n’ roll hall of fame. we’ll buy t-shirts to commemorate the event.
JCP001: maybe they’ll make a remix album for this record too
OneLastCigarette: so this is just a case of bad arrangement i guess. the first half of the record is adversely different and better than the second half.
OneLastCigarette: i think the remix album will be better than the actual release. that’s my prediction. no death from above remix this time though.
JCP001: totally bad track arrangement
JCP001: i just think it’s funny that they actually did that
JCP001: who does that anymore? not even the cure
OneLastCigarette: it was good though. that shit is hit or miss.
OneLastCigarette: puff daddy
OneLastCigarette: he invented the remix bro.
JCP001: whatever. he doesn’t even have any decent acts on his label. he’s remixing Biggie songs
OneLastCigarette: he had that group that was in a plane crash. i bet they sold an assload of records that day.
JCP001: what– those girls?
OneLastCigarette: (make plane crash a link)
JCP001: danity kane?
OneLastCigarette: yeah. i forgot the name of the group.
OneLastCigarette: yeah. i never heard their songs.
OneLastCigarette: (i cant think of any jokes either)
JCP001: i’m trying to look it up
JCP001: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Danity_Kane_SelfT_Album.jpg
JCP001: the black girl on the right needs her kneecap photoshopped back in
JCP001: her knee is just a dark smudge
JCP001: they weren’t in a plane crash
OneLastCigarette: are those the rags they wore in the mountains to survive after the crash?
OneLastCigarette: oh
OneLastCigarette: then make sure you take that out haha
JCP001: like destiny’s child “survivor”
OneLastCigarette: is that 2 black, 2 white, and one hispanic?
OneLastCigarette: sick racially equal coincidence dude.
JCP001: latina. pc dude
OneLastCigarette: i bet the blonde on the left is a jew and the one on the right is a dyke
JCP001: that girl second from the right? i think she’s italian
OneLastCigarette: cause we wont say f*****, but we’re still not pc.
JCP001: but we’ll say dyke?
OneLastCigarette: bring em’ on.
OneLastCigarette: i aint afraid of no dykes.
OneLastCigarette: i love in the life aquatic where he keeps calling the pregnant reporter a bull dyke.
JCP001: come to the slope and say that. some girl with a flat top will flatten you
OneLastCigarette: some brute in a tit-girtle will never scare me.
OneLastCigarette: ANYWAY, the album is good, but unfortunately not good enough for me. the last album was better. i’m not even gonna say sophomore slump, but they definitely teetered on the edge of that shit. better luck next time.
JCP001: I’ll grudgingly give it 4 “stars”. whack lyric writing takes point off
OneLastCigarette: you’re too nice. i rated each song and averaged out 3.2
OneLastCigarette: 3 hands. and they should send me a thank you letter.
JCP001: i was just thinking 3 actually.
JCP001: i only play half the album
OneLastCigarette: well, don’t let me influence your shitty decision.
JCP001: you’re not
OneLastCigarette: aight.
OneLastCigarette: dont tell me youre gonna put this up without the header. ill shit
OneLastCigarette: so what ever did happen to danity kane?
OneLastCigarette: i didn’t read it.
JCP001: nothing I don’t think
OneLastCigarette: why do i know who they are?
JCP001: still putting out crappy music as far as i can tell
OneLastCigarette: well, here it is on another wordpress blog
OneLastCigarette: Danity Kane in car crash last night.
JCP001: if i edit out faggot i’ll have to take out that fun back and forth
OneLastCigarette: leave it with stars.
OneLastCigarette: i’ve had gay people spaz on me.
OneLastCigarette: i dont actually care.
OneLastCigarette: do whatever feels right
OneLastCigarette: leave it
OneLastCigarette: the whole word
OneLastCigarette: fuck everyone
OneLastCigarette: i baked brownies, i knew what i was getting into.
JCP001: it stays
OneLastCigarette: sorry, i was greasing my pan.. are we done?
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OneLastCigarette: is there anything coming out soon that you know of
JCP001: I dunno. IS there anything coming out?
OneLastCigarette: theres an alkaline trio b-sides album coming out – ‘remains’
JCP001: 7″ b-sides?
OneLastCigarette: all b-sides
JCP001: hmm okay
OneLastCigarette: singles, 7″, etc
OneLastCigarette: theres a track list somewhere…
JCP001: when is that?
OneLastCigarette: one sec
OneLastCigarette: Tracklisting

“Hell Yes”
“My Standard Break From Life”
“Dead End Road”
“Metro”
“Jaked on Green Beers”
“Queen of Pain”
“While You’re Waiting”
“Rooftops”
“Old School Reasons”
“Warbrain”
“Fine Without You”
“Hating Every Minute”
“Dead and Broken”
“Sadie”
“If You Had a Bad Time”
“Wait for the Blackout”
“We Can Never Break Up”
“Don’t Say You Won’t”
“Buried”
“Dethbed (Live)”
“My Standard Break From Life (Live Acoustic)”
“I’m Dying Tomorrow (Live)”

OneLastCigarette: january
OneLastCigarette: theres only one song ive never heard. dead end road
JCP001: why sadie again?
JCP001: lame
OneLastCigarette: byo records version
OneLastCigarette: it has the original audio instead of the rehearsed girl talking
OneLastCigarette: i didnt like the new one, but i was already used to the old one. its from the split with one man army which has other good songs if you dont have it
OneLastCigarette: none of the good songs are by one many army though…
JCP001: i have it. wait for the black out
JCP001: dead and broken, hating every minute
JCP001: they’re okay songs
OneLastCigarette: its good for what it is, i just like that they have good side-matter or whatever you wanna call it
JCP001: well, we just reviewed it. Why wait for a compilation of b-sides we’ve mostly already heard? Only Akaline Trio fans are buying it. Why buy a b-sides cd without knowing the band?
OneLastCigarette: i was thinking thats what we were doing but i didnt wanna interrupt the flow of our witty banter. this is a fans only affair, i agree.
JCP001: oh wait, I just checked the vagrant site. it’s a CD/DVD which I guess makes more sense. Is it me or is there always some whack senses fail flash intro on the vagrant site?
OneLastCigarette: the only thing i’m looking forward to is hopefully some sort of sound restoration/improvement and a gory picture for my desktop
OneLastCigarette: its just you, cause nobody else goes there. vagrant lost alkaline trio, who do they have thats still relevant?
JCP001: who’d they lose them to?
OneLastCigarette: v2 records
OneLastCigarette: the name that sticks out from the laundry list of talent is the blood brothers
JCP001: I think people like Senses Fail. I don’t, but other people do. Big upswing for A3.
OneLastCigarette: theyve paid their dues, they deserve a mid-prestige record deal. senses fail put out this ep that was like maybe two stars, if that and then they just went down hill from there. i never liked them, i dont know. there was a big controversy over them switching to vagrant, from its arch nemesis drivethru
JCP001: Vagrants got some decent acts
OneLastCigarette: let me check, i havent heard anything from them in like years. whens another year on the streets volume 346 come out?
OneLastCigarette: nobody in the lemonheads o.d.’d yet?
JCP001: evan dando just put out a new lemonheads record with bill stevenson and karl alvarez from descendents/ALL playing drums and bass
OneLastCigarette: they have this thing about signing washups, like paul westerberg
OneLastCigarette: i forgot about them aquiring EELS
OneLastCigarette: thats a good band.
JCP001: and they just did that lemonheads record
JCP001: from what i understand dando deflowered bijou phillips. He gets points for that.
OneLastCigarette: like fifty
OneLastCigarette: oh man face to face…i went to their last show ever and everyone left after midtown and the movielife, it was depressing.
JCP001: Aww. poor face to face
OneLastCigarette: this ‘Biology‘ is the side project from the androgeonous drumming singer from from autumn to ashes. he felt he couldnt express how much he really sucks from the back of the stage.
OneLastCigarette: i think he should keep the headset a la madonna, maybe he can sing lead and drum like the moron from the foo fighters
JCP001: The dude from Jellyfish plays drums and sings
OneLastCigarette: no, he has a side project, the douche
JCP001: what?
OneLastCigarette: he drums and sings and hes in the front. they were on conan, the whole thing is bizarre
OneLastCigarette: um, his name, i cant remember it, the foo fighters drummer has a band like i just described
JCP001: haha
OneLastCigarette: travis barker…or something
OneLastCigarette: oh wait, hes in every other band in the world.
OneLastCigarette: taylor hawkins, a fake name too gay to be fake.
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