Due to a lack of internet connection the part of OneLastCigarette will be played by SaulGood until further notice. We apologize for any inconvenience. Thank you.

SaulGood: dude..i know you’re busy but there’s a show on VH1 called PROJECT MAN BAND
SaulGood: i think we can sue
JCP001: wtf is project man band?
SaulGood: they took all these former boy band members and formed a band hoping that “lighting will strike twice”
SaulGood: i think it struck the first time but i missed it.
JCP001: who’s on it?
SaulGood: not sure. all those dudes look the same.
JCP001: and you say you don’t need cable
SaulGood: i think that’s enough reason not to want cable.
SaulGood: though, ROCK OF LOVE is retarded enough to be fascinated with…on a mentally challenged kind of level.
JCP001: wtf is that?
SaulGood: it’s a Brett Michaels reality show
SaulGood: he pretty much makes out with semi hot girls the entire time
JCP001: if it’s not the shield, heroes, 24, or battlestar galactica… i hate reality shows.
SaulGood: i thought battlestar galactica was a reality show?
JCP001: it is.
JCP001: the 12 colonies will make it to earth… someday
SaulGood: and when they do you will be waving the nerd flag high.
JCP001: fuck yeah dude. I wanna hang with bill adama and drink with surly colonel tigh
SaulGood: bring back Buck Rodgers, I say.
SaulGood: and what about Twinkie? Twiggy? What the fuck was that robots name? He was awesome. (Ed. note: Twiki –JCP001)
SaulGood: Hey, do you know they used MATTEL TOYS as props for most of those shows?
SaulGood: I have one called COMPUTER PERFECTION that they used on BUCK RODGERS. this most likely explains why I am single.
JCP001: they looked like toys too. godzilla movies had better effects
SaulGood: GODZILLA vs.MOTHRA had the best effects.
SaulGood: remember the weird singing twins from that movie?
SaulGood: i think they gave me my first chubby.
JCP001: they’re called the cosmos
SaulGood: how do you know all this shit??? and why do you get more ass than i do knowing all this stuff???
JCP001: chalk it up to my boyish charm and good looks.
JCP001: i’d rather hear the cosmos sing their mothra song than listen to Paul Banks anymore
JCP001: excited you got to drop the title? you were waiting for it, weren’t you?
SaulGood: hell yeah. I think i just got my second chubby
SaulGood: I love this album
JCP001: i’ve never been a huge interpol fan.
JCP001: i remember dnice played some of their first record for me
JCP001: she was like, “they sound like joy division”
JCP001: which would be great if i liked joy division
SaulGood: they sound nothing like joy division.
JCP001: just the robot-like vocals
JCP001: neither of these dudes have/had any type of vocal range
SaulGood: Yeah…he’s more HAL than Johnny 5
SaulGood: They have the best rhythm section in NYC, imho.
SaulGood: which DOES NOT shine through on this record
SaulGood: everyone is touting it as their OK COMPUTER. Funny they should say that since the band is now on Capitol.
JCP001: who said that? R’tard Monthly?
SaulGood: I think some wanker on some blog. I wonder who in the styling department told Carlos D. to grow that stache.
SaulGood: were they like,”Dude…grow a SGT. PEPPERS stache. It’ll make the record that much more important”
JCP001: they look like vampires with their black suits and slick hair
SaulGood: Yeah, but they need a NOSFERATU looking dude to round out their goth appeal.
SaulGood: I love his lyrics. Hal Banks is a great writer
JCP001: the songs themselves are actually good. i just hate the vocals. it just sounds like droning noise to me. kinda like an electric razor.
SaulGood: At points it sounds like he goes for emotion but it ends up executed like a wet fart.
JCP001: because he’s vulcan. emotionless
SaulGood: Imagine if they have to accept an award? He probably sounds like stephen hawking
JCP001: i’d rather hawking sing
JCP001: hell, a speak and spell would be better
SaulGood: He should form a band with Paul Banks.
JCP001: he could rig up computers to his wheelchair and have a whole pet shop boys thing going.
SaulGood: i think Carlos D’s moustache should form a side project with one of the guys from Kings of Leon’s moustache
JCP001: oh god. i just found a pic. he looks like a queer pirate with a moustache. wow.
SaulGood: yeah…i prefer the younger version of Mr. D.
SaulGood: oh man…is he wearing a BOLO tie???
JCP001: it’s awful
SaulGood: holy shit, dude. he took the wrong kinda drugs
SaulGood: All moustaches aside, MAMMOTH is a standout track
JCP001: that is the only song I 100% like
SaulGood: I love PIONEER TO THE FALLS, the opener. It creates a really great tone for the album.
SaulGood: And it’s got that 3 songs in one vibe.
JCP001: the vocals turn me off so much they’re all i could focus on.
JCP001: the rhythm section is good, minus the ‘stache
JCP001: the cylons would not approve of his stache
SaulGood: brb
SaulGood: my cat’s puking
JCP001: yum. cleaning cat puke is fun
SaulGood: sorry dude
SaulGood: twas a mighty pile of puke
SaulGood: the cyclons would approve of the vocals, tho
SaulGood: “We will spare you Paul Banks.”
JCP001: they’d approve only of banks because he’s a robot too
JCP001: they get a 2. one for mammoth, one for banks being a cylon. don’t tell adama. i’ll get shot for treason
SaulGood: 2? Damn, J. You’re off your streak of 5’s
SaulGood: I give them 4…an added finger for the Album graphics
SaulGood: photos of animals are funny,
JCP001: i’d rather a real action shot than one taken at the museum of natural history.
SaulGood: An action shot of a cylon blowing Carlos’ moustache off with a laser?
SaulGood: THAT would be hot.
JCP001:2stars.jpg SaulGood:4stars.jpg



SaulGood: I can has review?
JCP001: oh hai.
JCP001: i was blurbing with tim duffy. he was doin it wrong
SaulGood: Oh hai! I has done the showerz. We can haz review
SaulGood: Lots of peeps have been doin it wrong these days
SaulGood: Which brings me to the YYYs
JCP001: whoa whoa
JCP001: buy me dinner first, romeo
SaulGood: What do you want? IM foreplay? Lets bang this out like cats in heat
SaulGood: Let me tell you a tale my son. One of a young Saul Good on the train listening to the new IS IS ep.
JCP001: of woe and heartbreak?
SaulGood: The only woe and heartbreak I had was listening to this
SaulGood: What happened to them?
SaulGood: I was like…NO NO NO
JCP001: when was the last time you listened to them?
SaulGood: I listened to the first album yesterday. I love that record
JCP001: for some reason i don’t think you keep up with a lot of current bands
JCP001: and the second?
SaulGood: the second was OK. But still fell a little flat for me. You?
JCP001: i like them both
JCP001: show your bones more actually. I think IS IS is reminiscent of both
SaulGood: Don’t get me wrong, the tunes on the new EP…they rock a bit and are sexified, but…I really found myself drifting off during the tunes and thinking of monkeys
SaulGood: Monkeys eating bugs off each other
SaulGood: And then throwing feces at passerbys
SaulGood: Then the monkeys eventually formed their own society and wrote interesting albums
JCP001: i enjoy this ep.
SaulGood: I enjoyed it most when this guy got on the train and was playing saxaphone…it cut into the song DOWN BOY and created this weird texture that was missing for me on the tunes
SaulGood: They’re sticking to a formula and are stuck. Her voice is awesome, tho.
JCP001: totally good and interesting. karen o‘s becoming more of a performance artist
JCP001: and stop saying “tunes”!
SaulGood: Like the kind of performance artist that makes BUTTER PAINTINGS on naked belly dancers?
SaulGood: Tunes tunes tunes tunes
SaulGood: Tommy tune
SaulGood: Two tone tunes
SaulGood: Cartunes
SaulGood: What about tunes with a z?
JCP001: how about you lick my ballz?
SaulGood: How about you eat my NUTZ?
SaulGood: Or lick my scrotumz
JCP001: so what’s the difference between this and fever to tell?
SaulGood: Fever To Tell was more raw and interesting. The songs had peaks and grooves.
JCP001: there’s peakz and groovez to these “tunez.”
SaulGood: This one sounds like salami on dry bread
SaulGood: I wanted something different from them. This sounds like a stale Fever To Tell
SaulGood: Meh. I was bored, especially that first jam
JCP001: you’re out of your mind.
SaulGood: Possibly
JCP001: karen o’s working her best siouxsie on some of these songs.
SaulGood: That is true, my good friend
JCP001: oh, I has a blurb


JCP001: have you heard the yeah yeah yeahs ep?
fillmerejive: about half, i think i’m gonna buy it tomorrow
fillmerejive: why do you ask?
JCP001: why, for a blurb of course
fillmerejive: well i think they’re great
fillmerejive: i like what i’ve heard a bunch and they have staying power which is why i am willing to part with actual money and buy the cd
JCP001: you buy cds?
JCP001: i’m not scoffing at the buying, more the cds
fillmerejive: yes
fillmerejive: i like cd’s
fillmerejive: i like things
fillmerejive: i like to own product
JCP001: i like stuff and… junk
fillmerejive: exactly
JCP001: do you rip it?
fillmerejive: but i think the ep from the three tracks i’ve heard is a good between point for the more melodic and the more rawking sides of yyy’s
fillmerejive: i do unless i have a good downloaded copy already
JCP001: interesting
JCP001: i’m all about the digital. i’m trying to minimize my junk clutter
fillmerejive: that’s wise
fillmerejive: i have a disaster in my closet, all cd’s in unorderly stacks
fillmerejive: nerds cringe at the site
fillmerejive: several friends have begged me to let them organize them
JCP001: i’d understand if it was vinyl
fillmerejive: i guess, i’m very into voting with my dollar
fillmerejive: it’s an important thing to me, i want the things i like to continue to come out
fillmerejive: i also have no turntable
fillmerejive: my parents do, but i really hate the idea of being beholden to them
JCP001: that’s very righteous of you
fillmerejive: ooh also on the yyy’s you should note that i believe nick zinner might be the most inventive pseudo mainstream guitarist in decades
JCP001: in a bill and ted’s way
fillmerejive: it is indeed, i hate watching bootlegs even when they’re really good quality and i didn’t pay for them
fillmerejive: i went to see sicko in theaters after watching it on bootleg
JCP001: blurb. yor doin it wrong
fillmerejive: erm, best ep since deerhunter’s flurescent grey a few months back?
fillmerejive: i get excited about that band sorry


JCP001: that’s a bit more than a blurb. i told you he was doin it wrong.
SaulGood: Yeah dude…that’s an opus. I can attest to Mr. Duffy’s statement about Zinner’s guitar work
SaulGood: Though I think his hair outshines his finger styleez
JCP001: anyway, I think this is right up anyone’s alley who likes yeah yeah yeahs
SaulGood: agreed. Just not my cuppa
JCP001: i’m surprised he doesn’t break the guitar strings with his scissorhands
SaulGood: I want progression
SaulGood: He should start his own hair product line
SaulGood: Something like…DO DO DOs
JCP001: there has been progression but i think yor doin it wrong
SaulGood: Flat out, this ep bored the snot out of me
SaulGood: Scissorhands is a great guitar player, the drummer is the king and Karen O is a hot vocalist so why the long repetitive nonsense?
SaulGood: I’m opinionated tonight
JCP001: you are. your ballz dropped
SaulGood: My ballz…they are in your mouthz
JCP001: i’m tired of us liking everything
SaulGood: You’re doin it wrong
JCP001: you just did it wrong. rate?
SaulGood: 3
SaulGood: You?
JCP001: 5. a finger each song. Don’t wanna break my streak. If this were NBA Jam I’d be ON FIRE. They should have just recorded 5-7 more songs and made an album
SaulGood: Fag
JCP001: say it to my scruffy face
JCP001: we’re done here
SaulGood: Fag
JCP001:5stars.jpg SaulGood:3stars.jpg


OneLastCigarette: im watching entourage at 10, son
OneLastCigarette: im psyched. my computer is in the shop so i have to find a friend who actually pays for hbo when this shit is on
OneLastCigarette: are your internets still broken?
JCP001: i ams operayshunal
OneLastCigarette: i just ate chinese food. my brain is numb.
JCP001: was it as delicious as you anticipated?
JCP001: it’s the msg. makes you dumb. like eating lead paint
OneLastCigarette: i tried to order small sesame chicken, but apparently they only have one size. the girl was like “yor doin it wrong”
OneLastCigarette: i got fried vegetable dumplings and chicken w/brocolli
JCP001: awesome. food coma
JCP001: i had pasta.
OneLastCigarette: did you and paul eat together like two fags
JCP001: no jerkoff. had dinner with dnice.
OneLastCigarette: oh thats right
JCP001: he’s high and watching john from cincinatti, eating chy-knee
OneLastCigarette: i havent seen that yet…whats chy-knee
JCP001: chinese
OneLastCigarette: that chinese place near you is top notch 2nd rate
JCP001: i would like to say nathan’s destroyed my insides
OneLastCigarette: nathans was fucking awesome.
JCP001: it was definitely a highlight, minus the dizziness and nausea on my part
JCP001: monkey-man had too much fun at once
OneLastCigarette: yeah. whens the last time you had a pregnancy test
OneLastCigarette: light-headedness
JCP001: normally that’s a good time too
JCP001: i now officially like every song on this against me record
OneLastCigarette: i could do without the second to last track, but i still like it enough
JCP001: nah, i’m down with the dirty rock song
OneLastCigarette: this is a review of NEW WAVE by AGAINST ME!
OneLastCigarette: thrash unreal is fucking huge
OneLastCigarette: and the bop bops are insane
OneLastCigarette: im gonna go watch that video from conan
JCP001: it’s great
JCP001: find it?
OneLastCigarette: too hard. where is it
OneLastCigarette: if its from nbc its all hidden
JCP001: just google against me thrash unreal
OneLastCigarette: you has hacks
OneLastCigarette: oh its on a cheap ass youtube rip off
JCP001: i was googling lyrics.
OneLastCigarette: tom gable doesnt look like he has this voice
OneLastCigarette: this voice belongs to a man more similar to a lumberjack
JCP001: i would like to thank all the pirates who get the record weeks in advance then painstakingly transcribe the lyrics… almost right
OneLastCigarette: these layered vocals are pretty huge. they did well in displaying this songs sheer hugeness live on stage
OneLastCigarette: i didnt know it would work this well
JCP001: they really did reproduce nicely
OneLastCigarette: “there aint no johnny comin home to share a bed with her and she doesnt care”
JCP001: it’s huge
OneLastCigarette: “no mother ever dreamed that her daughter’ed grow up to be a junkie!”
JCP001: considering i didn’t like some of their previous stuff
JCP001: i think the kids who were living above me at the time ruined them. they would blast them and howl along while wrestling at 1 am.
OneLastCigarette: the only record of theirs i like more than this one is …As The Eternal Cowboy. one of my favorites of ever
OneLastCigarette: you sure they werent pokin’?
JCP001: totally.
OneLastCigarette: we have to take an entourage break, yo.
JCP001: do it
JCP001: hit me back
OneLastCigarette: back in 45
JCP001: go

45 minutes later…

OneLastCigarette: the cops rolled through while we were smoking
JCP001: did you smoke army style?
JCP001: weed. yor doin it wrong
OneLastCigarette: nah. they built scaffolding by tech and there are these construction trailers. we were there
JCP001: ooh living dangerously
OneLastCigarette: yeah anyway
OneLastCigarette: im not too into the song stop! either
JCP001: it actually grew on me. reminds me of a yeah yeah yeahs song. honeybear
JCP001: almost
OneLastCigarette: you have an exclamation point in your name and you put one in a song title too
JCP001: they wrap, honest, upfront lyrics you don’t have to decipher in pop rock goodness
OneLastCigarette: when you told me the girl on born of the fm waves of the heart was one of these twins i didnt know you were talking about tegan & sara. theyre twin lesbians apparently
JCP001: oh and their new record is also on sire
OneLastCigarette: this is pop music you can like without feeling guilty. if there was a market for it i bet they could make some pretty awesome songs
JCP001: they mention MRR which i think is funny
OneLastCigarette: whats that? modern rock radio?
JCP001: maximum rock and roll
JCP001: punk music zine. didn’t even know it was still around
OneLastCigarette: i was stumped there
OneLastCigarette: i know what it is
OneLastCigarette: some big punk zine just went under
OneLastCigarette: punk planet
JCP001: i’m not surprised.
OneLastCigarette: Main Page – ZineWiki – the history and culture of zines …
Punk Planet was a 16000 print run punk zine, based in Chicago, IL, … that after 13 years and 80 issues, Punk Planet’s final issue was being sent out. …
OneLastCigarette: straight from the front page of google. i dont even feel like clicking the link
JCP001: google gets only the best in breaking news
JCP001: “punk zine goes under. 5 punks sad”
JCP001: negative ink was in punk planet. issue 13 or something. i might still have it
JCP001: i give them credit for sticking it out that long.
OneLastCigarette: best songs on this album, in order of appearance: up the cuts, thrash unreal, white people for peace, born on the fm waves, americans abroad, and the ocean.
JCP001: what did spin call this record?
OneLastCigarette: rock record of the year
OneLastCigarette: you wanna break out those tim duffy blurbs?
JCP001: yes. yes, i do. he’s missing the best rock record of the year.
JCP001: the year isn’t over. and it is a straight up rock record
OneLastCigarette: im gonna eat my fourth rice crispy treat


OneLastCigarette: i need your thoughts on the latest against me! record
fillmerejive: i have not heard it
OneLastCigarette: you saw them live, you must have seen some new songs
OneLastCigarette: what did you think of that
fillmerejive: i think that i felt like an asshole cause everybody loved them and i was totally indifferent
fillmerejive: so i felt like a snooty jerk
fillmerejive: spin says it’s the “best rock record of the year” too bad they are totally not credible
OneLastCigarette: what kind of crowd was it? just sweaty punk kids or a mix
OneLastCigarette: yeah thats a kiss of death if i ever heard one. spin is terrible
fillmerejive: it was cursive and mastodon playing on either side of against me! so it was a very mixed crowd, old metal guys, emo kids and punk kids plus a more generalized rock audience that probably listen to Foo Fighters as much as they listen to White Stripes and Green Day
OneLastCigarette: i dont get the whole mastadon thing
fillmerejive: i love them
OneLastCigarette: but im convinced that im missing something
OneLastCigarette: cant wait til siren
fillmerejive: well you lack that really nerdy rock guy gene, i have it in spades


OneLastCigarette: yor doin it wrong
OneLastCigarette: i guess ill give this a 4
JCP001: o rly?
OneLastCigarette: ya rly
JCP001: top marks. 5.
OneLastCigarette: you give everything a five
JCP001: i’m the siskel to your ebert
JCP001: we didn’t talk about the video for white people for peace
OneLastCigarette: i like the wrestling moves
OneLastCigarette: what more is there to talk about
OneLastCigarette: im surprised they got such a big video budget
JCP001: float over DDT
JCP001: yeah. huge. football field. that shit was ‘spensive
OneLastCigarette: you just wanted to say float over ddt
JCP001: i did
JCP001: rly bad
OneLastCigarette: and paying all those shitty amateur wrestlers to “professionally perform” the double team neck breaker moves
JCP001: with dudley boys-like precision
JCP001: if there were tables involved it would have upped it
OneLastCigarette: i wish i had those cheese bacon fries from nathans right now
OneLastCigarette: with the little red stick
JCP001: siren fest experience. an ocean of sloppy tits
OneLastCigarette: and tattooed fat
JCP001: they really have no idea
JCP001: but at least we are scientists were good and the beach time
JCP001: it was like my commute but with shirtless hipsters
OneLastCigarette: you mean when we covertly smoked pot around hundreds of families
OneLastCigarette: that beach time
JCP001: yes. gi joe style
OneLastCigarette: if jack bauer smoked pot, thats how he would do it
OneLastCigarette: in a fox hole
JCP001: he’s got black suvs to cruise around in with his boys. he could blow it out while on his way to set up a perimeter
JCP001: perhaps the foxholes in the chinese prision. what happens in chinese prisions, stays in chinese prisions
OneLastCigarette: we are scientists slowed down the first couple of songs off the last album
OneLastCigarette: and they played a few seemingly new songs
OneLastCigarette: which were all good
JCP001: and the sound was stable. i would have liked to have seen the noisettes but wasn’t too keen on having to elbow my way through the crowds
OneLastCigarette: i had never previously heard detroit cobras, but they sounded pretty shitty
JCP001: detroit cobras. yor doin it wrong
JCP001: i really like them, but i dunno wtf that was
OneLastCigarette: i would like to have seen more of cursive, but you rushed me
JCP001: casualty of too many beers and bottled water on the beach
JCP001: it had to go down like that
OneLastCigarette: i didnt know they replaced the cello’s with horns in the old songs too. it sounded ok
OneLastCigarette: what was with that out of control lady with the kid in nathans
JCP001: people are gross
JCP001: bottom line
OneLastCigarette: feels like both of these reviews suck
JCP001: they do.
OneLastCigarette: not like we’re gonna get fired
JCP001:5stars.jpg OneLastCigarette:4stars.jpg


JCP001: procrastination cat procrastinates
FlavorCage77: hold on…
8:50 PM
FlavorCage77: brb
FlavorCage77: going to get smokes
JCP001: delicious. go forth my son and procure smokes
9:00 PM
FlavorCage77: You ready to do this or you have to do some duece droppin?
JCP001: oh, you’re back.
FlavorCage77: Yeah
FlavorCage77: On the SK
FlavorCage77: My internets just crapped out, sirs.
JCP001: welcome to my world. good thing you have back-up
FlavorCage77: Yeah…
FlavorCage77: You know what dogs I want to see more of? Puggles.
JCP001: do you?
FlavorCage77: Hell yes
JCP001: they grew on me
FlavorCage77: Yes
JCP001: i used to think they were horrible amalgamations
FlavorCage77: I think they’re strange and have a certain stupidity to them that makes them a bit endearing
FlavorCage77: Once you start cross breeding the brains get smaller
FlavorCage77: Or dumber
FlavorCage77: Cute little things, tho.
JCP001: does it work the same for humans?
FlavorCage77: Only if you breed an ape with a man.
FlavorCage77: that’s like “Shit, meet fan.”
JCP001: i think i ride the train with the ape-human hybrids
FlavorCage77: Yes you do…and they all listen to German techno REALLY LOUD.
JCP001: that means we can start
JCP001: once the title drops, it’s on
FlavorCage77: Ok…so FUCK YES comes to mind when listening to this
FlavorCage77: This record is a hybrid of a rottweiller and a german pincher
FlavorCage77: Me thinks
FlavorCage77: It’s finger pointingly awesome
JCP001: I was telling Lenny that this came at a good time for me
FlavorCage77: And at 38 minutes, there’s no room to be bored
FlavorCage77: Splain
JCP001: I’ve been on a BR kick. great for the gym
FlavorCage77: Really? Last time I hung out with you, you told me that ABBA has been on repeat
FlavorCage77: Kidding
JCP001: I’m glad this is no “The New America”. that record kinda blows
JCP001: how well versed are you in BR?
FlavorCage77: This record came at a great time for the world. His lyrics are so politically driven.
FlavorCage77: Not that well
FlavorCage77: Not as well as you
FlavorCage77: Joey Cingrana and I would listen to them in his attic all the time
JCP001: political, social. Graffin sings every word with conviction like he’s preaching. or teaching. he is a college professor, you know.
FlavorCage77: What makes the album so great is that each song is EPIC
JCP001: pretty much, yeah
FlavorCage77: Like… HUGE
JCP001: there’s always been something grand about BR for me.
FlavorCage77: standout track: SUBMISSION COMPLETE. It has a middle easternesque vibe
FlavorCage77: Especially the solo
FlavorCage77: And lets not forget the AWESOME harmonies
JCP001: the back-up punk choir. just the imagery the lyrics conjure overall is grand
FlavorCage77: Totally
JCP001: kings, empires falling, planets colliding, biblical references…
FlavorCage77: They’re the only band that can pull off a double bass drum without sounding like they just sprayed they’re hair with Tommy Lee brand hairspray
FlavorCage77: Or without sounding like bad nu metal
JCP001: they have 3 guitarists
JCP001: lead, rhythm and pick slide
JCP001: mostly you can’t tell since they all play the same 3 chords
FlavorCage77: I think John Lennon would love them if he were alive to hear it.
FlavorCage77: Oh…and the piano on FIELDS OF MARS….
FlavorCage77: I did not see that coming
JCP001: they’re not changing their formula though.
FlavorCage77: No…but they mastered their formula
FlavorCage77: They’ve gone the same route but it suits them.
FlavorCage77: And it gets me PSYCHED
FlavorCage77: The opening to NEW DARK AGES…it’s almost beautiful.
JCP001: psyched and confused. i googled the lyrics and had to look up a few words. punk rock that sharpens your mind
JCP001: and annoys the neighbors
FlavorCage77: That should be on the back of their t shirts, you genius.
FlavorCage77: I really have nothing bad to say about this record.
FlavorCage77: Should we talk about another album that blows?
JCP001: they already have the best band symbol ever
JCP001: i was hoping you’d bite at my pick slide jokes
FlavorCage77: That was pretty good…there’s a pick slide in like every song
JCP001: 2 sometimes
JCP001: together
FlavorCage77: They should have dueling pick slide solos.
FlavorCage77: Imagine how annoying that would be?
FlavorCage77: Dogs would die
FlavorCage77: But not the puggles .
FlavorCage77: They’d survive the great pick slide disaster of 2007 and rule the world with BAD RELIGION.
JCP001: their tiny brains wouldn’t know how to respond
FlavorCage77: They’d just start licking each others balls more
JCP001: maybe they scored cool satanic guitars when they explored and mapped hell
FlavorCage77: This is one theory
JCP001: a fine theory
FlavorCage77: What would satan have said to them?
FlavorCage77: Go forth and bring the pointed finger?
FlavorCage77: Millions of puggles at a BR show lifting their paws to the sky
JCP001: your backing vocals, may your choir of 6 sound like 60 strong
JCP001: did you see a puggle at the deli?
FlavorCage77: The fat one?
FlavorCage77: If so…yes
FlavorCage77: I think he had a BR tattoo
FlavorCage77: And he was practicing his string slides
JCP001:5stars.jpg FlavorCage77:5stars.jpg


Originally, this review was supposed to have been done between myself and Lenny. Due to technical difficulties (see: lack of internets) on both our parts it, sadly, wasn’t meant to be. Below is unfinished “review” or outtake, if you will. – JCP001

OneLastCigarette: just got home
JCP001: listen to the fathers of socal punk rock
OneLastCigarette: ill put it on
OneLastCigarette: yo i had a BONKERS connection before 675 kbps
OneLastCigarette: …and in other awesomeness
OneLastCigarette: i realized my sister has the new zelda
OneLastCigarette: goodbye daylight
JCP001: wii zelda?
OneLastCigarette: yeah
OneLastCigarette: but on gamecube
OneLastCigarette: same exact game
OneLastCigarette: just clashed with the wii release
JCP001: the wii turns grown men into prancing gaylords
OneLastCigarette: yeah totally
OneLastCigarette: i waited at the nintendo store in the freezing cold with andrew for it
JCP001: and you didn’t have to pee your pants
OneLastCigarette: it was a pretty relaxed atmosphere
OneLastCigarette: i’ll knock out a little kid
JCP001: me too
OneLastCigarette: no qualms
OneLastCigarette: there was this one big mongo dude and he kept trying to wifi ds with little kids
OneLastCigarette: im talking 24 yr old very special place type dude
JCP001: perv
OneLastCigarette: no i felt bad for him
OneLastCigarette: he was genuinely childlike
OneLastCigarette: aside from when he penetrated their little anai like pressboard
OneLastCigarette: anai sounds ten times worse than anuses
JCP001: anuses sounds like a great greek hero
OneLastCigarette: i wish this was the review
JCP001: if we do the review tonight it can be, lenny. It can be.
OneLastCigarette: what is a SIT file
OneLastCigarette: its a blank file for me
OneLastCigarette: open with winzip?
JCP001: yes
OneLastCigarette: ok
OneLastCigarette: its only giving me an option to ZIP this file
OneLastCigarette: wtf dude…
JCP001: aww
JCP001: one sec
OneLastCigarette: several secs later…
OneLastCigarette: just aim it over
OneLastCigarette: your server is mad booty
JCP001: going to
OneLastCigarette: it should send super fast if i plug it into the wall
OneLastCigarette: hold on
JCP001: plug it in son
OneLastCigarette: ran out of tp, don’t use my dermalogica whipes
OneLastCigarette: you do the math
OneLastCigarette: hold on
JCP001: crikey
OneLastCigarette: leaves your crack silky smooth with no blemishes or dead skin
JCP001: ready?
OneLastCigarette: as ill ever be
OneLastCigarette: fast as shit
JCP001: did you get it all?
OneLastCigarette: no
OneLastCigarette: says 95
OneLastCigarette: almost done
OneLastCigarette: you have a fucking status bar right
JCP001: yeah
JCP001: thought i accidentally canceled it
OneLastCigarette: everybody is a bastard
JCP001: it’s true
JCP001: that has a big part
JCP001: this record came at a good time for me
OneLastCigarette: why? are you starting a revolution
OneLastCigarette: i love that i turn around, do half a thing in zelda and the records half over
OneLastCigarette: 16 songs, 38.4 minutes, 36.9 mb
JCP001: that’s about average for a br record
OneLastCigarette: can you excuse me while i use my hawk to snatch this baby basket from a dancing monkey so i can get my god damn fishing pole, lure back the shop ladies cat and make her happy enough to give me the new slingshot
JCP001: you make it sound cool. but it’s not. i’ve seen paul play
JCP001: it’s quite gay
OneLastCigarette: it starts off slow
OneLastCigarette: its awesome
OneLastCigarette: youre just a final fantasy fag
JCP001: herd those sheep…. things
OneLastCigarette: thats like the first thing
OneLastCigarette: go check paul’s steez now. he has a black tunic and some sick fucking sword skills soon i bet
JCP001: know what–listen more and play. call your gay hawk friend maybe he can snatch someone elses balls and give them to you
OneLastCigarette: scum bag
OneLastCigarette: not a kind word
JCP001: c’mon, you laughed a little
OneLastCigarette: of course i laughed
OneLastCigarette: thats why we keep you around
OneLastCigarette: amusing abuse
OneLastCigarette: whatever i got the basket
JCP001: are there cojones in there?
JCP001: when you’re done catching rainbows in fairyland, IM me

OneLastCigarette: WHITEY!
OneLastCigarette: BRING THAT SHIT!
OneLastCigarette: if people knew what it sounded like when you sceam my name it would be a lot funnier. like when we used to square off in marvel capcom
JCP001: I’d squash you with duel Captains
OneLastCigarette: lets not give the wrong impression
OneLastCigarette: we were 50/50 far as i remember, overall
JCP001: and at least we were obvious about cheesing each other
OneLastCigarette:that was the point of our matches, who could make the other more pissed. dont try that on the korean gang bangers though
OneLastCigarette: they took their marvel capcom to heart, son
JCP001: they’d deliver killer combos with their robot-like precision button pressing
OneLastCigarette: yeah dude i really dont know how they did that
JCP001: Paul Kil would be like “Lemme try some fucked up, unbreakable combo with Wolverine”
JCP001: mad claws, son
OneLastCigarette: johnson wong used to hit me with a stryder combo that took my entire energy bar except for one hit. then he would throw me
OneLastCigarette: before i could tag out
JCP001: lol
OneLastCigarette: ok enough
OneLastCigarette: hahaha
JCP001: Stryder and Wolvie were the Korean’s dream team
JCP001: Andrew Hong would pull some shit in that game too
OneLastCigarette: hong was on the level between johnson and us
JCP001: because we could still occasionally had him his ass. he was shunned by his people for not being korean enough
OneLastCigarette: the only one who could take on johnson head on was our andrew, the little one. he had some pretty sick combos for a white boy
JCP001: dude i’m dying over here
OneLastCigarette: hong didnt dye the tips of his hair or wear super wide legs
OneLastCigarette: me too. nobody is gonna get this but us, but who cares. isnt that how all of our posts go
JCP001: i used to love the group of kids and you’d have to run through each of them until they beat you
OneLastCigarette: sometimes it would take hours
OneLastCigarette: have kids goin back for change three and four times
JCP001: “jen, watch the store”
OneLastCigarette: or when you were working alone and you just prayed nobody would come in
JCP001: i lost many games that way
OneLastCigarette: and i would stand still while the clock ran down so you could ask if they needed help
OneLastCigarette: dont hit me son
OneLastCigarette: time out son
JCP001: haha
OneLastCigarette: ok lemme put it on
JCP001: the only song I consciously skip is St. Andrew
OneLastCigarette: wait, i gotta drop a duece. brb
JCP001: All that hummus
OneLastCigarette: nah i just ate 1.5 steak wraps and some fries at wrap n’ roll
OneLastCigarette: anyway, it didnt put up a fight, so im back already
OneLastCigarette: so yeah the bagpipe noise is tolerable for a little while, but i think they do it for way too long
JCP001: and it gets all acid jazzy
JCP001: i listen to this straight through though. I keep St. Andrew unchecked
JCP001: I forgot that I liked the White Stripes. I passed on their last album too for reasons unknown
OneLastCigarette: yeah me too, straight through. usually i start to convulse by the middle of that track and skip it. i dont like to uncheck, im anal about that shit
OneLastCigarette: ive passed on most of their shit. to me they were always good in small doses
JCP001: even this?
OneLastCigarette: by passed i mean never listened to once
OneLastCigarette: but ive always liked them a lot
OneLastCigarette: they do an amazing cover of my favorite bob dylan song on their s/t
JCP001: they got the dirty, bluesy rock down pat. wouldn’t be as raw with a bassist
OneLastCigarette: did you know some tool added bass to white blood cells and released it on the internet as red blood cells
JCP001: yeah, i know
JCP001: I didn’t hear it. I think Nick said he liked it
OneLastCigarette: i think nick said he liked the buster poindexter album too
OneLastCigarette: hes way too nice about music
JCP001: he has eclectic taste
OneLastCigarette: oh nick
OneLastCigarette: i really like rag & bone, and the speaking part
OneLastCigarette: hes more than just a musician, hes an entertainer on many fronts
JCP001: half the time it sounds like he’s making shit up as he goes
JCP001: freestyle rock
OneLastCigarette: maybe he one-takes it like jay-z. right off the top of his head
JCP001: i was almost waiting for a jay-z intro. “White stripes! make it rain! Told ya I’d be back! Hove!
OneLastCigarette: oh, i just noticed the third person behind them on the album cover. you think thats some cryptic imagery? and i wonder if they originally planned to have the hat on jack in the pic
JCP001: maybe it’s yetti
OneLastCigarette: the crew swears she wasn’t there when they did the shoot
JCP001: i think it’s their personal sorceress
OneLastCigarette: she conjures up the hideous wardrobe
JCP001: she’s on hand for emergency whack wardrobe changes
OneLastCigarette: the yodeling gets too me
OneLastCigarette:but just before it ends. meg makes that song good
OneLastCigarette: that is megs voice, right?
JCP001: yes
JCP001: actually, i think it’s jeremy enigk
OneLastCigarette: yeah, these noises are too fucking much
OneLastCigarette: bagpipe synth
OneLastCigarette: blech
JCP001: i think enigk’s been mentioned as much as tim duffy
JCP001: uncheck it
JCP001: join us
OneLastCigarette: oh that reminds me
OneLastCigarette: i have a blurb
JCP001: awesome. hit me
OneLastCigarette: just a sec
OneLastCigarette: fillmerejive (4:49:01 AM): new white stripes fucking kills by the way
JCP001: that’s it?
OneLastCigarette: no
OneLastCigarette: just a sec
OneLastCigarette: i saved it jumbled in a txt
OneLastCigarette: fuck
JCP001: douche
OneLastCigarette: fillmerejive (4:54:07 AM): i love the bagpipe
OneLastCigarette: thats it
OneLastCigarette: and he said he loves conquest too
OneLastCigarette: hes right about conquest
JCP001: it’s awesome
JCP001: kinda doesn’t fit, yet kinda does
OneLastCigarette: little cream soda and cause & effect also stellar
OneLastCigarette: yeah conquest sounds like jack guesting on a mariachi album, but in a good way
JCP001: conquest is something that rodriguez would use for the ending credits of his next mexican vampires movie
OneLastCigarette: i still have to download…i mean patiently await the dvd for grindhouse
JCP001: yes. dvd
OneLastCigarette: we love dvd’s and cd’s
OneLastCigarette: its not like the last cd i actually bought was the dangerous minds soundtrack or anything
OneLastCigarette: that would be wrong
JCP001: yes
OneLastCigarette: cant wait for the new coolio album
JCP001: i’m sure it’s as awesome as the new dmx
JCP001: i figure I’ll play icky thump to death then not listen to the white stripes for 4 months
OneLastCigarette: 4 months seems a bit soon
OneLastCigarette: i think this is better than the raconteurs album which i thought was good
JCP001: can’t fault a guy for being consistently good. it doesn’t happen often
OneLastCigarette: and i don’t have too much experience with them in the whole album sense, but i think this is their best. i could be wrong and hammered down by their fanboys, but since when is that a factor
OneLastCigarette: it happens almost never nowadays
JCP001: if i were meg i’d tip my black mage’s cap at him
OneLastCigarette: aren’t they divorced, or related, or detached siamese twins or something
OneLastCigarette: ive heard all kinds of stories
JCP001: i don’t really care what the case is. talk to dnice for the gossip
OneLastCigarette: shes far too busy for me these days
JCP001: whatever the case they’re keeping their wardrobe sorceress busy with matching whackness
OneLastCigarette: those three amigos costumes really gotta go
OneLastCigarette: on the back cover they’re chewing on blackened bat wings
JCP001: that makes me happy somehow
JCP001: i think the spectacle makes them better though. they wouldn’t be half as good in jeans and t-shirts
OneLastCigarette: like i said, entertainers on many fronts
JCP001: i’m done. this review would make the Captains proud
OneLastCigarette: whatever. i got next.
OneLastCigarette: ::slaps quarter::
JCP001: people would get mad if you lined $2 up there
JCP001: even one dollar
OneLastCigarette: you cant do that son, its one turn at a time. there would be like 20 smelly sweaty teens in a four by four space
OneLastCigarette: and they all had next


OneLastCigarette: most of the time 24 just makes me fuckin MAD
OneLastCigarette: makes ya fuckin mad whitey!
JCP001: the finale blew
OneLastCigarette: shhhhhhh
OneLastCigarette: nononono
OneLastCigarette: im only on season 2
JCP001: i’m not sayin nothin
OneLastCigarette: ok
OneLastCigarette: for some reason people love to start spouting vital info when i mention the show
JCP001: season 2… main plot?
JCP001: i saw it
OneLastCigarette: the nuke
JCP001: i mix them all up
JCP001: and his daughter is running from some crazy guy?
OneLastCigarette: i’m on like hour 20
OneLastCigarette: shes in the clear
OneLastCigarette: so far the only people who have acted with consistent stupidity are tony almaeda and kim
OneLastCigarette: not that there are many recurring roles
JCP001: tony rules
JCP001: was he shot?
OneLastCigarette: shut up!
OneLastCigarette: stupidity consists of only one thing: doubting or disobeying jack
JCP001: basically yes
OneLastCigarette: right now tony has a sprained ankle, jack just got “killed” by the stun gun torture, and the arab agent is getting beaten by rednecks
JCP001: oh yeah!
OneLastCigarette: haha
JCP001: stun gun torture!
JCP001: i remember
JCP001: he’s awesome
OneLastCigarette: yeah totally
OneLastCigarette: best show ever
JCP001: really is
JCP001: intense doesn’t describe it
OneLastCigarette: makes ya mad!
JCP001: little bit sometimes
OneLastCigarette: yeah, sometimes
OneLastCigarette: how could people watch this on tv?
OneLastCigarette: how do you
OneLastCigarette: i watch like 10 episodes at a clip
JCP001: i think next season i’m gonna tape a shitload then watch
OneLastCigarette: its better that way i think
OneLastCigarette: see sopranos?
JCP001: yes
OneLastCigarette: back to your plan, thing about that is you cant see ANYTHING or you wont be able to wait
OneLastCigarette: anyway, phil is so gonna die
OneLastCigarette: at the very least
OneLastCigarette: only 2 left forever
OneLastCigarette: bravery 29.9%
JCP001: hmm
JCP001: battles and bright eyes blows
OneLastCigarette: no shit
JCP001: i think i stomached 6 bright eyes songs on the train
OneLastCigarette: and we can’t exactly talk shit about every record we hate
OneLastCigarette: we have to have some appeal
OneLastCigarette: to the morons
JCP001: took time away from listening to shit i WANT to listen to. made the commute home more unbearable than normal
OneLastCigarette: so do you wanna do the review
JCP001: of?
OneLastCigarette: ill talk shit on bright eyes while i watch them shock jack back to life
JCP001: he’s fucking amazing man. jack’s a true american hero
OneLastCigarette: CLEAR!
OneLastCigarette: the redneck extremists are ruining everything
OneLastCigarette: i cant take it
JCP001: i barely remember
OneLastCigarette: they got the chip
OneLastCigarette: and now they’re taking the guys daughter to her house to get paid
JCP001: isn’t there, like, martial law that season?
OneLastCigarette: hes convincing the doctor to untie him
OneLastCigarette: can we start
JCP001: on what? bright eyes?
OneLastCigarette: yeah
JCP001: i need to dump first. cleanse my system of his horrible acousti-country boo-shit
Ten minutes later…
JCP001: i just shat a slide guitar
JCP001: that’s the review as far as i’m concerned.
JCP001: was it as torturous for you?
JCP001: i hope to god i didn’t suffer alone
OneLastCigarette: i wouldn’t call it torture exactly
OneLastCigarette: the first track is basically useless and annoying and waay too long
OneLastCigarette: not only do we not know what the bitch on it is talking about, we can barely make it out
JCP001: make a plan to love me is the worst. THOSE lyrics you can make out
OneLastCigarette: the music could be in a disney movie from the 60’s
OneLastCigarette: flowers sprouting and two animals who shouldn’t be friends, but don’t know it yet
JCP001: like the fox and the hound
JCP001: i know he wants to be deep and emotional maybe even death cab-esque, but it just ended up being embarrassing
OneLastCigarette: he peaked at 18
OneLastCigarette: made a career in reverse
JCP001: he should have quit after he put out those last 2 records
OneLastCigarette: they were good
JCP001: not bad
OneLastCigarette: thanks in no small part to emylou harris and nick zinner
JCP001: the opening music for four winds reminds me of santa claus is coming to town
OneLastCigarette: his other records have some excellent songs, you cant take that away
OneLastCigarette: soul singer in a session band makes me want to put a bullet in my head
JCP001: now you understand my commute yesterday listening to it
JCP001: i wanted to put bullets in other people’s heads
JCP001: N train massacre due to bright eyes
OneLastCigarette: i have a 9 play count, bro. i put in work here
JCP001: your musical fortitude knows no bounds
OneLastCigarette: if they played this for jack he would have given up the chip immediately
OneLastCigarette: Now a red carpet bagger makes a Blackberry call
To the plastic piranhas in the city of salt
Wasted wheat paste campaign post no bills on the wall
You mean nothing to no one but that’s nobody’s fault

OneLastCigarette: his metaphors have gone from complex to nonsensical
JCP001: he’s making social commentary no can can decipher or cares about
OneLastCigarette: he really lost his bucket this time
JCP001: i think the throw-away songs on the ep were better. by a hair
OneLastCigarette: that’s like deciding which of two turds smells better
OneLastCigarette: the track hot knives is semi-decent
OneLastCigarette: that and four winds may be the only tolerable, dare i say good songs on the record
JCP001: good is too kind
JCP001: tolerable
JCP001: hot knives was in the first 6 songs i listened to. it blurred in with the rest of the crap
OneLastCigarette: i was thinking the same thing, it blends in with the crap so well you could miss it
JCP001: i’m sure it’s true for tracks 7 thru 14
OneLastCigarette: oh, to be honest i usually fall asleep by then
OneLastCigarette: i would never put this on while working, i wouldn’t be able to perform
OneLastCigarette: in and out of consciousness, but i heard it
JCP001: if i were getting paid i’d feel obligated to listen to the rest. since i’m NOT i won’t be taking one for the team
OneLastCigarette: i’ve heard the whole record a couple of times. nobody would accuse you of jumping to conclusions
JCP001: i am happy to announce my first zero rating
OneLastCigarette: i have to give him a one, otherwise i’d be saying its as bad as linkin park
OneLastCigarette: nothing is as bad as linkin park
JCP001: essentially it got the same rating. we just switched roles
OneLastCigarette: i cant always be the bad guy
OneLastCigarette: as much as i would enjoy it
OneLastCigarette: yeah! jacks killin’ the rednecks! sweet!
OneLastCigarette: damn, 59th minute. something crazy happened
OneLastCigarette: who knew
JCP001: it really is the best show
OneLastCigarette: ever
JCP001: even when it lame it’s good.
OneLastCigarette: yup
JCP001: those first few seasons were golden too
JCP001: you’ll get mad season 3
OneLastCigarette: while back after i watched season 1. i wanted to be myspace friends with jack bauer
OneLastCigarette: i saw some things. i dont even wanna know what they mean
JCP001: i think i’m friends with like 5 bauers
JCP001: 5 are better than one. that’s a strike team of bauers. they can set up a perimeter like nobody’s business
OneLastCigarette: oh my god 5 jacks
OneLastCigarette: you’re right
JCP001: i gave up counting the corpses this past season
JCP001: too much work
OneLastCigarette: yeah with the commandos and random grunts in the distance, theres no telling. not even accounting for explosions, suicides, and amputations
OneLastCigarette: palmer is pretty great when the heat is on
JCP001: he’s the best fake president ever
OneLastCigarette: haha
OneLastCigarette: fuck martin sheen
JCP001:0star.jpg OneLastCigarette:1star.jpg


JCP001: linkin park minutes to midnight. this album needs more weed
OneLastCigarette: i’d prefer a heroin overdose
JCP001: what’s it been 4 years since their last record? if i were a fan i’d know.
OneLastCigarette: i was really into their ep and first album but that was like 99 or some shit
OneLastCigarette: i was 17-18. i know the last one had a ton of singles and videos, but whatever.
JCP001: not for nothing but collision course with jay-z is good.
OneLastCigarette: oh yeah totally. that record killed
OneLastCigarette: i know they dont wanna be rap/rock anymore, but shinoda is making an ass of himself now. he cant fucking sing and he sings a whole song, and in the video he looks like a moron rocking out with a guitar
JCP001: he’s just awful. i’m glad they abandoned that rap/metal frankenstein’s monster
OneLastCigarette: its the hybrid theory, bro
JCP001: he only talks over 2 songs. i don’t even want to call it rapping
OneLastCigarette: you have a point
JCP001: he’s beat. the fort minor mixtape is good though. not for shinoda but for the guest appearances
OneLastCigarette: like a nate dogg album
JCP001: even his lesser known rap buddies like styles of beyond are way better. they just pop by the album hoping to sell more of theirs
JCP001: shadow of the day sounds like a jimmy eat world b-side
JCP001: they do a lot of ballads. less scratching and noise making
OneLastCigarette: yeah so now they have two members who are virtually useless
JCP001: shinoda learned guitar before they were able to kick him out
OneLastCigarette: ross robinson produced this. the only thing i ever liked by him was glassJAw and 99 problems
JCP001: what did you google that?
OneLastCigarette: no, tim duffy told me
JCP001: so he googled it
OneLastCigarette: basically
OneLastCigarette: i knew he did gj and 99 though
OneLastCigarette: no “lame pre-review research” this time. thank god
JCP001: good job
OneLastCigarette: trying to please our finicky fans is all
JCP001: look at you–a man of the people
JCP001: the album cover reminds me of rocket from the crypt scream dracula scream
OneLastCigarette: the album cover reminds me that they’ve run dry on ideas
JCP001: i don’t think the fact that there’s a scorpion in the opening of the video for what i’ve done is a coincidence…
OneLastCigarette: strange
OneLastCigarette: never had a chance to get to know rftc
JCP001: yeah, you did i’d play them in JHU all the time
OneLastCigarette: oh yeah that was only 8 years ago
OneLastCigarette: i remember now
JCP001: i like one song on this record.
OneLastCigarette: thats 1 more than me
JCP001: given up. i think it’s the claps and the chain rattling. probably the wallet chains of their fans
OneLastCigarette: aww
OneLastCigarette: yeah the claps are the only sound on the rec that i like
JCP001: i’m sure it’ll make a good entrance song for my wrestler on raw vs. smackdown
OneLastCigarette: thats their one remaining fan applauding this album
JCP001: aww
JCP001: and it’s this dude
OneLastCigarette: who the fuck is that?
JCP001: one of my myspace friends
OneLastCigarette: and you only accepted cause his profile was private and you couldnt hate him enough with only 1 pic
JCP001: i had a little back and forth with him. he’s ok
OneLastCigarette: if you say so. any acquaintance of whitey’s is tolerated by me
OneLastCigarette: i always thought chester sounded like the dude from quiet riot
JCP001: i think he has a good voice actually. just the songs suck
OneLastCigarette: cum on feel the noise always pops into my head. i dunno
JCP001: nah
OneLastCigarette: well this wouldnt be a review if i didnt say something i could get bashed for.
JCP001: i think he sounds more like jeremy enigk
OneLastCigarette: but only rising tide, right?
JCP001: listen reaaaaaaal close
OneLastCigarette: not like diary or anything
JCP001: totally not
OneLastCigarette: yeah i hear it
OneLastCigarette: its D-Lightful
JCP001: i figured you’d have more to say about this record.
OneLastCigarette: i figured you would…
OneLastCigarette: im kind of at a loss
OneLastCigarette: i just hate it. i hated it all 4 times i listened
JCP001: it’s not their usual crap. they influenced a bunch of other crappy bands so maybe they wanted to distance themselves
JCP001: now they’re just a crappy alternative band with two not quite hip-hop songs tossed in
OneLastCigarette: alas, we suffer so the readers don’t have to. like a two headed jesus.
JCP001: mystical in our two-headedness
OneLastCigarette: no pointing hands. clap with that, jerkoffs.
OneLastCigarette: bet the next album is “greatest hits”. laced with jay-z, ripe for mass consumption.
JCP001: wow. a rating of zero
OneLastCigarette: yeah, i figure i wont have many chances since we rarely agree to review what we hate
JCP001: i’ll give it a generous one. the thumb since fall out boy already has the middle
OneLastCigarette: i would give them a 1 for old time’s sake, but that wouldn’t be fair to all the new bands i hate
JCP001:1star.jpg OneLastCigarette:0star.jpg


JCP001: IM me in a few
OneLastCigarette: whats a few?
OneLastCigarette: i want a divorce
JCP001: you’re a faggot
OneLastCigarette: you used to get it in ya fishnets, now ya only get it in ya night dress.
OneLastCigarette: are we doing this or what
JCP001: you love it
OneLastCigarette: it wasnt immediate
JCP001: but you warmed up quickly
OneLastCigarette: did we start?
OneLastCigarette: cause theres a pace to maintain
JCP001: this is how we do. you have to let the magic happen
JCP001: arctic monkeys favourite worst nightmare
JCP001: what are these dudes? 16?
OneLastCigarette: they made that last album(link) and it had several indie rock bangers…
OneLastCigarette: 16 and a half
OneLastCigarette: so they made this big pop video and i got those immediate fanboy feelings like they “strayed from the formula”, but when i heard the album a few times, yeah i warmed up fast
OneLastCigarette: last christmas sometime, me and nick were in cozy’s having massive burgers and we were talking about this band and that band, and he goes like those fucking arctic monkey kids.
OneLastCigarette: so im like who the fuck’s the arctic monkeys
JCP001: they’ve got some good rock here
OneLastCigarette: theyve evolved
JCP001: dennis would love it
OneLastCigarette: last time he had the lyrics but the songs were a bit disjointed, it almost felt like he was always just talking. this album is tighter and more well thought out
JCP001: the screwed thing is that even the old stuff is good too, but this record is def more thought out
JCP001: there’s something sloppy about “Whatever People Say I Am…” but good sloppy. not like fat girl in a tube top sloppy
OneLastCigarette: the album cover of “whatever…” is a picture of the singer from a photo booth after a night of binge drinking. i think they were going for a certain something
OneLastCigarette: they won the 2006 mercury prize for that album
JCP001: what the fuck is the mercury prize?
OneLastCigarette: i dont know look at wikipedia. you think their moms told me this shit?
OneLastCigarette: and if im not mistaken they gave the money to an (if im not mistaken) undisclosed charity
OneLastCigarette: but i heard that award money to charity story somewhere else a long time ago
JCP001: isn’t that righteous
OneLastCigarette: totally admirable and british
OneLastCigarette: you think we would get hate mail if i said i think brits are actually savages?
JCP001: they’re compared to the futureheads who kinda suck after a while
JCP001: more sex pistols less beatles in attitude would be more fun
OneLastCigarette: yeah, im sure theyre happy to be compared to the futureheads. low expec. i think if some band hears theyve been compared to the stones on their first album just panics
JCP001: they’re not the stones if you’re implying that
OneLastCigarette: do they play the video 37 times a day there? euro mtv plays it all day, shows their live show, and interview snippets inbetween
OneLastCigarette: no, i was trying to pick a big name british band, none in particular
JCP001: i don’t watch mtv.
JCP001: beyond my age bracket.
OneLastCigarette: oh thats right, it sucks balls there. you actually wanna watch it here. like in the morning you can leave it on, no fat white chicks bungie jumping or kids learning how to figure skate (MADE: I WANNA BE A PROFESSIONAL FIGURE SKATER)
JCP001: can we finish this in an hour?
OneLastCigarette: do i have a choice
JCP001: not really
OneLastCigarette: go cuddle with paul and watch your one hour drama
One hour later…
JCP001: ok
OneLastCigarette: uh..?
OneLastCigarette: lemme sit up
JCP001: eww
OneLastCigarette: i was laying down on my side, what?
OneLastCigarette: so talk about the album, douche.
JCP001: the only song that breaks this album’s momentum is that slow jam in the middle
OneLastCigarette: i like it. its reminiscent of the slow tracks off the old albums, he didnt hit it in the right way this time. despair in the departure lounge off the ep is their ultimate slow jam i think
JCP001: they have like a blur/franz ferdinand thing going with a better pay off
OneLastCigarette: oh
OneLastCigarette: i got a blurb from tim duffy
JCP001: ok
JCP001: hit me
OneLastCigarette: one sec
OneLastCigarette: fillmerejive (6:09:46 PM): i like it alot, i think they’re a special band, and i think he’s one of the strongest songwriters working today
JCP001: “special band” just doesn’t sit right with me.
OneLastCigarette: there are more blurb-worthy TD statements
OneLastCigarette: i could go on
JCP001: he’s got some gems
OneLastCigarette: OneLastCigarette (6:10:48 PM): this album vs. the last lp
fillmerejive (6:11:42 PM): last one was better but i think they made the right choice, buck the hype by releasing a pretty much equally as good album just more than a year after the debut
OneLastCigarette (6:12:46 PM): thatll be all, thanks
JCP001: he just summed up what i said earlier with that. he’s a passionate guy, that duff
OneLastCigarette: ah, the ubiquitous tim duffy
OneLastCigarette: stand out tracks?
JCP001: teddy picker is a goody, fluorescent adolescent, this house is a circus…
JCP001: old yellow bricks. i’m staying away from the obvious brianstorm/single hugeness
OneLastCigarette: yeah its pretty huge
OneLastCigarette: im not used to bands i actually like making new albums less than seven years apart
OneLastCigarette: im still soaking it in
JCP001: it’s called being a working musician
OneLastCigarette: i heard thats what did george michael in, waiting too long before albums
OneLastCigarette: thats from the recording industry experts over at E!
JCP001: because now one cared when it happened
OneLastCigarette: i just wanna say uh, nine inch nails nine inch nails nine inch nails
OneLastCigarette: did you see how many hits we got off that phrase?
OneLastCigarette: oh, elvis, sasquatch, rosie odonnel, sir isaac newton
OneLastCigarette: nude celebrities
JCP001: dude we had a huge spike the other day why??
OneLastCigarette: i havent looked in a month
OneLastCigarette: what do you mean by spike
JCP001: like 50 views
OneLastCigarette: was it a tuesday
JCP001: thurs
OneLastCigarette: maybe a record of some band we mentioned came out or some shit i have no idea
OneLastCigarette: i hope they come back to read this
JCP001: bizarre
JCP001: most of the last few records i listened to i liked. maybe it won’t be a suck year
OneLastCigarette: i guess all the good bands were recording last year
JCP001: 2008 will suck
OneLastCigarette: theyre worn out now
10:35 PM
JCP001: the good bands will tour. we’ll be fucked
JCP001: i just put their records on shuffle. it all fits nicely
OneLastCigarette: new wu tang this year. im psyched
JCP001: surprises every turn
OneLastCigarette: i bet odb has more verses than the others
JCP001: his 20 word line on fishscale was weak
OneLastCigarette: i heard he recorded it after the heroin balloons in his stomach popped
OneLastCigarette: too soon?
JCP001: nah. if it were steve irwin it would be. maybe not…
OneLastCigarette: gator joke, gator joke…i got nuthin
JCP001: nick is pissed about this band huh?
OneLastCigarette: nick is pissed about every band thats not his
OneLastCigarette: thisll be a good way to find out if he reads these huh
JCP001: hate mail #2
JCP001: there’s some serious police activity going on over here
OneLastCigarette: gowanus, son
JCP001: rating for the record?
JCP001: we need to wrap up
OneLastCigarette: what happened outside? some hipster waifboy get knocked off his banana seat and raped
OneLastCigarette: 4
JCP001: shots fired. someone threw a gun so there’s like 8 cops with flashlights scouring the ground
JCP001: they got some fat thugs standing with their hands on the hood of a car and the cops tossed their vehicle.
JCP001: i watch the shield. i ain’t no snitch
OneLastCigarette: rating?
JCP001: i give these bleeding heart, charitable chaps a solid 4
OneLastCigarette: can we have eight little cops instead of fingers this time?
JCP001:piggies.jpg OneLastCigarette:piggies.jpg


FlavorCage77: whenever you’re ready
JCP001: you’re like a bull in a china shop
FlavorCage77: because I’m fat?
JCP001: you wanna plow right into this
FlavorCage77: haha
FlavorCage77: nah…
FlavorCage77: never did a review before
FlavorCage77: review
FlavorCage77: rookie
JCP001: noob
FlavorCage77: noobian.
JCP001: to some, yes. glos harmonium
FlavorCage77: I’m still on the first track
FlavorCage77: it’s quite good.
JCP001: i figured you’d be into this record
FlavorCage77: you know me oh too well. it’s the intellectual approach I can appreciate. And the drum sound really grabs you by the nuts and says…”Listen to me while I kick you in the face.”
FlavorCage77: the guys voice is taking some getting used to
FlavorCage77: it’s a bit flat.
JCP001: yeah. i was so expecting maura (denali) to sing
FlavorCage77: love her
FlavorCage77: my old band played with them
JCP001: nice. she’s easy on the eyes and a good vocalist
FlavorCage77: i think i wrote her a note after the show we played with them…oh man
FlavorCage77: i totally remember now
JCP001: like a love note? did you make her a mix cd?
FlavorCage77: I was all fucked up…and scratched some chicken feed on a paper about why she should spend the rest of her days with me because she sang really well.
FlavorCage77: I think she’d like me better now
FlavorCage77: because of my new band.
FlavorCage77: nah…she’d still be afraid
JCP001: with just cause
FlavorCage77: totally. never mix beer with whiskey and good intentions.
FlavorCage77: anyway…back to the record
JCP001: did she avoid you the rest of the night?
FlavorCage77: here’s the thing…
FlavorCage77: i tripped on myself handing her the note while she was packing up
JCP001: oh god
FlavorCage77: and almost fell into her
JCP001: hahaha
FlavorCage77: yeah
FlavorCage77: yeah
FlavorCage77: anyway
FlavorCage77: let’s talk about this record
FlavorCage77: not my failed love endeavors
JCP001: i would have holed up in the van after that
FlavorCage77: i did
JCP001: so i can’t decided if this is a side project or not
FlavorCage77: DENALI broke up
FlavorCage77: so this may be from the ashes.
JCP001: yes but maura’s in ambulette and her bro in sparta
FlavorCage77: ah…you see, I am not a music nerd like you so I don’t know these things.
FlavorCage77: is she in this band?
JCP001: yes
FlavorCage77: oh
FlavorCage77: oops
FlavorCage77: that must be her singin in the background, yeah?
JCP001: uh… yeah
FlavorCage77: you know what?
JCP001: what’s that?
FlavorCage77: I’d still pen her love notes. With a feathered quill
JCP001: haha and a box of chocolates. holding boom box outside her bedroom window
FlavorCage77: I think I love this album. It’s EXTREMELY textural.
JCP001: there’s a lot going on here
FlavorCage77: yes.
FlavorCage77: VERY textural
FlavorCage77: BUT…no hooks.
FlavorCage77: I still like hooks
JCP001: some hooks
FlavorCage77: you know…even though Radiohead lost their collective mind by KID A you could still hum the choruses.
FlavorCage77: but…I love this. It’s something I’d enjoy tuning people out on the train to.
FlavorCage77: TELEPATHY reminds me of….something from the joint days. ASHES?
JCP001: if there was a metal part and a break down yeah
FlavorCage77: I think the singer reads a lot of KAFKA
JCP001: evanescence is now ashes
FlavorCage77: OH MY GOD.
FlavorCage77: You’re totally right.
FlavorCage77: Jesus Christ…what a world.
JCP001: same shit, bigger venues
JCP001: i like the vocal effects
JCP001: makes it dreamy and flowing without being coma inducing
FlavorCage77: Totally. He reminds me a bit of one of the singers from SLOWDIVE.
FlavorCage77: Definitely dreamy…with some balls.
FlavorCage77: Dude…she’s whispering in my ear.
FlavorCage77: Oh man…is it wrong to make myself believe she’s written every song for me?
JCP001: yes, she’s singing only for you
FlavorCage77: eat me.
FlavorCage77: This is super modern day psychedelic. Good to see American bands are going this way.
JCP001: you could do it to this record
FlavorCage77: DAMN…TAINTED is HUGE!
FlavorCage77: Good variety on this album…
FlavorCage77: this album is sex.
JCP001: you’re going on the record with that?
FlavorCage77: why not?
FlavorCage77: WAIT!
FlavorCage77: BETWEEN YOU AND I is WAAAAAYYYY too much like MISERY IS A BUTTERFLY — Blonde Redhead
FlavorCage77: WAYYYYYYY
FlavorCage77: TOOOO
FlavorCage77: MUUUUUCH
FlavorCage77: they just lost some points.
JCP001: let’s check it
FlavorCage77: totally
FlavorCage77: OH MY GOD!!!
FlavorCage77: IT’S SO SIMILAR!!
FlavorCage77: i just fell out of love.
FlavorCage77: Not the actual song MISERY IS A BUTTERFLY
JCP001: but the record?
FlavorCage77: there’s a song on it…fuck…I only have it on vinyl
FlavorCage77: hold on…I have to check out what song it sounds like…
JCP001: crap
FlavorCage77: be right back…have to dig through my vinyl
JCP001: wind up the phonograph
FlavorCage77: fuck you…ninyl has more bass.
FlavorCage77: vinyl.
JCP001: i like ninyl better
FlavorCage77: not ninyl. I don’t know what ninyl is.
FlavorCage77: it sounds like something they sell to make herpes go away.
JCP001: seth’s sister gave me a ninyl once. good times…
FlavorCage77: “With NINYL, I’ve been outbreak free for three weeks.”
FlavorCage77: brb
FlavorCage77: too much vinyl…do you have the album on your itunes?
JCP001: no but you can get 30 second snippets from the itunes store
FlavorCage77: right on…oops…
FlavorCage77: MESSENGER
FlavorCage77: thats what BETWEEN YOU AND I reminds me of
FlavorCage77: way too much
FlavorCage77: anyway…moving on
JCP001: it doesn’t tarnish anything for me
FlavorCage77: that’s because you have no integrity.
FlavorCage77: actually…
JCP001: because i’m not a huge brh fan
FlavorCage77: ha.
FlavorCage77: glös are
FlavorCage77: seriously though, this record is damn good.
FlavorCage77: The production makes it. It sounds raw.
JCP001: hopefully they’re not a one record side project
FlavorCage77: Ambulette‘s kind of a snoozer compared to this glös
FlavorCage77: so
FlavorCage77: I hope they’re not a side project, either.
JCP001: ambulette is maura a bunch of other dudes from broken up jade tree bands
FlavorCage77: My pont exactly.
FlavorCage77: point
JCP001: oh i know
JCP001: how many fingers?
FlavorCage77: Hmmmm….
FlavorCage77: out of how many again?
FlavorCage77: 5?
JCP001: c’mon, you know how we do
FlavorCage77: I’m going to give it a three and a half
FlavorCage77: it’s not quite four
FlavorCage77: but it’s damn close
JCP001: i’ll round up mine to a solid 4
FlavorCage77: all together, it gave me a mental chubby.
JCP001:4stars.jpg FlavorCage773stars.jpg


JCP001: the draft
OneLastCigarette: so this is the new band from hot water music minus one
JCP001: there’s really not much difference between bands. smooth transition
OneLastCigarette: i dont know man. the differences are subtle, but im not too into it. the grittiness that made hwm…hwm is gone.
JCP001: maybe that’s progression…?
OneLastCigarette: eh, keep it.
OneLastCigarette: you wanna hear kid dynamite write a top 9 at 9 song?
OneLastCigarette: or stay dead
JCP001: they’re cleaner sounding. that’s it. no more howling lumberjacks
OneLastCigarette: i dont understand why they felt that one member leaving was a reason to change bands. thats the only reason they give.
OneLastCigarette: they had like what, twelve fucking albums anyway
OneLastCigarette: whatever
OneLastCigarette: theres some good lyrics on here
JCP001: i like the draft. not love them. they got anthems
OneLastCigarette: “stop wastin my time i got some place to goo”
JCP001: he’s got somewhere to be
OneLastCigarette: simple shit. chantable. two of these four songs i was waiting for the part the crowd would yell back with fists, it happended before the 1:00 mark both times
OneLastCigarette: im wondering if there will be enough kids to hear on a youtube video though
OneLastCigarette: thats the real measure of your status in music
JCP001: i am glad this ep is digital. more bands should be this smart
OneLastCigarette: its on the rise. according to the pop culture prophets cds are so gone soon
JCP001: people dj with their ipod. there really couldn’t be an easier way to make money. a few 6 second fades…
OneLastCigarette: youre lettering with your mouse, our friends are djing without a mixer. what the fuck is going on?
OneLastCigarette: track 2 up all night – you dont hear a slight nod to green day here?
OneLastCigarette: badump bumps for everyone
JCP001: nope
OneLastCigarette: picture jason black in nut tight dickies and a skinny tie bopping his head in front of a green screen
JCP001: not buying it
JCP001: but they make solid power pop
OneLastCigarette: hearing these dudes switch it up this late in the game feels like seeing your mom getting breast implants
OneLastCigarette: its just not natural
JCP001: i don’t agree
OneLastCigarette: im devestated
JCP001: if bands were concerned about devastating their fans, jets to brazil would have never played a note *takes a bow*
OneLastCigarette: no i meant about you not agreeing with me
OneLastCigarette: i have a war chest of hot water music thatll last me through a nuclear winter
JCP001:3stars.jpg OneLastCigarette:3stars.jpg